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Thread: The Start of His Ending pt. 1

  1. #1
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    The Start of His Ending pt. 1

    After a series of the life, William came back to the projects
    family and friends got murdered and deceased and disapeared like the Lonch Ness
    Will wanted to avoid being a nomad so he was very stationary
    but to be able to find God, in his words he needed to go to a sanctuary
    did a lot of predicate things from slingin crack to set-ups
    sinful shit, you thought he'd get karma from doing all dem wet-ups
    the annual past and the kid came out clean
    at least he thought so, but as soon he reached in his pocket, he said "I got to get more cream"
    to erase the old habit from his mind he started lookin for a j-o-b
    like shit, he couldnt get one cause he was a juve and he was O.D'ed
    anger took in control so he bought a chrome caliber
    then he start realizing that this simple-minded shit will put him back in Attica
    but still, he kept it, for no apparent reason
    talked to the man upstairs and knew he was to do something descent
    but he was depressed and forlorn, so he turned to Satan and forthright... used the Lord as treason
    Last edited by Don Q; June 30th, 2006 at 01:38 PM
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

  2. #2
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    Last edited by Don Q; June 30th, 2006 at 01:35 PM
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

  3. #3
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    come on uppin for feed
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

  4. #4
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    dont make this slow please, give your opinion
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

  5. #5
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    need feed please, come on
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

  6. #6
    ooh, basic...fundamental, on the surface...borderlying; all words describing your piece. not a bad structure, it was just basic. the creativity was not garbage, but it only touched the surface. the message was not all that horrible, but it was just borderlying...the reason we write OM's is for feedback right? cause we wanna get better? because we want tips right? well...

    the key to a topical, OM watever you want to call it...
    starts with a message. wat are you trying to get the reader to believe or understand?
    second, you have structure, construct your verses so that the message is clear.
    this may be done by paragraphing, the seperating of bars, or bold font, itallic font, etc.
    third, you want every punch to portray your message, any contradictory punch, can make your whole piece invalid. word. theres my tip. gone.

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    Life eventually ends, either profit from others pain & hustle.
    Or walk w/ God cause he doubles happiness & divides struggle.

  7. #7
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    thanks
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

  8. #8
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    uppin for feed please
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

  9. #9
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    agreed need some work.. not bad.. but not good either stay up

  10. #10
    S.N.I.C.....is no more... Don Q's Avatar
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    alright thanks
    I'm not necessarily the original, more like the new but don't ever compare me to another.

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