Why can't we all be the same

[Richard Parker]

Peter was 6 foot, handsome features & an easy tan
& was laughing at an obese man, Mike, with greasy hands
They were at a fancy restaurant, Peter eating slobby
The fat dude sitting alone, wanting to be somebody
Who wasn't disrespected, an object that chicks rejected
But he was better for it, even with his bliss affected
But I see it in this perspective,
He only missed what didn't deserve him...
bitches & hoes incapable of forgiving & learning
he only realized the feeling inside of being unappealing & cried
His rough outer demeanor was barely concealing his pride
So that night the tears welled but he didn't release them
he should've rejoiced, over taking his life & giving it meaning
Cuz saying he was worthless was a false presumption
Mike was kindhearted, no matter how slow his pulse was pumping
he didn't use people, over clout or their clearance
& he never thought twice about their outer appearance
He wasn't fearless, wasn't perfect, shit, he was ugly as hell
But he also wasn't beautiful & smug with himself
Instead he was usually somewhat hearty & bright
when Mike went home, Peter drove to a party that night...
on the corner he saw a black man, dirty, born in the city
at the stoplight, the man tried to converse, He was imploring & witty
And of course Peter immediately saw this fellow was black
& said 'I aint giving you money nigger, keep selling that crack'
That was as the light turned, the black man old & his head was gray
& Peter couldn't run from his personality, even as he sped away
Pete wasn't THAT bad of a dude, he cooked & was funny
..plus people respected him for his looks & his money
& His friends often came over for a beer during the week
but in reality he only had himself..
To stare at in the morning... at least

[Richard Parker]

Woo its gotta be good enough for at least one reply

com'on, just one!

[I Incis]

Word This was good. Nice imagery & emotion. The message was deep & deserves many replies. Your wording was good as well as storyline. The flow supported the meaning well dropping at sad moments & rising at proud ones. The description of each character was great. gave me a good idea of how they acted & what they may of looked like & how they dressed. The presence of a good job is clear. This was great Feeble. Nice drop. Original.

[Richard Parker]

Yes!

[Tim]

nice story feebs havent read a topical from you in many a months but this shows you didnt really lose much good story here i really liked the character development and the emotion of it you had a nice conecpt and a awesome rhyme scheme that made it move so well and transition line to line and the end was an awesome twist worked well it looked like you were talking about all these people and it ended up being all his split personalities i hope thats what it was anywho imo should be in the OMHOF just because it was set up so well and i like topicals with a twist and that are original

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301645

[Engivale]

Fabulous. First of all, a consistant rhyme structure that almost never stopped being clever and simple, the elements of success. Also a good internal rhyme structure to really help make the read more enjoyable and rhythmic. I read this twice actually to go back for some of the details to the story you had worked into this piece. Only thing I saw a little off with the story was why would some random party white guy have such a huge problem with a random black man to have the nerve to actually call him a "nigger" and to "go sell crack" just because he started talking to him, and what's more, if he was well spoken and witty. Why the hell would he do that? That aside, I liked everything about it, I just think it coulda been a little less of a blatant statement at that part.

[Richard Parker]

Trust me... A white dude calling a black dude a nigger happens EVERY day in America. It's sad but true. and especially when the black dude isn't in a position to do anything about it ya know?

[bobericc_lyrics]

nice om... its fucced up because of the whole racist thing, i thought the imagery here was really good, it was a twizted end, peter ended up in the wrong, he was an inspiration but a pig...<thats the perfect way to describe him: rich, and ignorant.. i got the scenes perfect in perception. the flow was iight, it was good like the structure, add some more descriptive vocab... to intensify the climax y'know. fat mike i would have liked to know more about. inner multis added to the flow, i thought this was a good om
overall
8/10

[Engivale]

it was just that characters were so incredibly stereotypical, I think you simply reinforced the racism you were attempting to reveal... I'm not stupid enough to think that this doesn't happen, it's just the way that it happens in your rhyme that seems out of place. First of all, is this guy just blatantly looking for trouble? Or does he believe that using the most offensive of all words and stereotypes against a complete stranger, unprovoked no less, will have no consequences?

You probably won't even understand what I'm saying here. So never mind. And if you do, you're more intelligent than the characters you invented for your rap.