The Fault In Stacking Flat-lines

[Moniker]

Drop seeds on a parched tongue and see
lips part to kiss parchment. Excitement only
grows it's own mold. I hold seven stolen
scrolls bound with rope and smoke the ancient
text like brimstone. Heaven is all alone now,
a cold home only known to those who sold
souls for improper profits. Misfits missed
the lost tips; tripping over old prophets that
listed the cost of their options.

The stars started to construct an arc based on
instructions from the dark arts. Mark the location
to embark. No remark came when our sparks
separated the sacred incarnated name of God;
charting pentagram hearts. Futuristic isn't it?
When humanastic fulfillments insist we're just
dust and ashes. The past is yet to come.
I've spit blood into the sands of time, breathing
whirlwinds from my lungs.

Well, what can we make of mud. The ocean
spoke as I rubbed shells together, telling me
the sea smells like revelation. Ripe with weeds,
cracked rocks and dead reefs reeking of society.
Feed on your starved sense of passion. This vast
abyss is dense with inaction. Count the abacus
backwards so square heads won't roll. We've
flattened the earth while Atlas consoled the whole
cosmos to prepare for global geometrical control.

[Moniker]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306419
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306793

[Tragedian.]

The stars started to construct an arc based on
instructions from the dark arts. Mark the location

hmm....this caught my eye...the title didnt lol...i liked the way u opened this..very orignal...but i thought the flow was off on some parts...and some lines didnt rhyme...it didnt seem like something u put alot of time into...muttlies were nice i must say that...pretty creaitve...not very played at all...and the lines that i qouted were nice as fuck...keep up man this was dopeness...hit my newest called the weekend thanks.

[Moniker]

up.

[Moniker]

yea

[LedgenZ]

This verse was typical Mindless., incredible lyrics coupled with and equally impressive rhyme scheme.
Your pieces tend to have a certain attitude if not ego about themselves as they successfully blur the lines between Hip-Hop and poetry creating what I like to call Hip-Hoperty. LOL. Seriously , this was dope!

Favorite lines:

Drop seeds on a parched tongue and see
lips part to kiss parchment. Excitement only
grows it's own mold. I hold seven stolen
scrolls bound with rope and smoke the ancient
text like brimstone. Heaven is all alone now,
a cold home only known to those who sold
souls for improper profits. Misfits missed
the lost tips; tripping over old prophets that
listed the cost of their options

^GODDAMN!!! Slow down Gandi your kill ‘em. That right there is an example of an absolutely perfect opener. Even if you don’t understand the content, the flow itself is enough to be admired. The way you put your lines together makes it almost impossible to pick apart or quote an individual line. I mean it’s the way the words flow in and out of each other that makes this particular portion so ill, yet, so unified. All I can say is…….Damn!


Also:

Futuristic isn't it?
When humanastic fulfillments insist we're just
dust and ashes. The past is yet to come.
I've spit blood into the sands of time, breathing
whirlwinds from my lungs.

^I mean do you plan on stopping this onslaught anytime soon. Seriously, the rest of us would like it if you’d stop a minute to rest your rhyme so that we might catch a breaths. Hmmmm….By the way that last line is, well you know what it is, dopeness!


Again:

rubbed shells together, telling me
the sea smells like revelation. Ripe with weeds,
cracked rocks and dead reefs reeking of society.

^You have a very acute sense of poetic awareness, meaning you know exactly when to seduce your readers with otherwise enticing and cleverly thought provoking lines of illness.

And of course:
Count the abacus
backwards so square heads won't roll.


^Poetic awarnes 101: case in point^


Ill script as always.
Get at me on AIM: Xaverage

pz

[Nib Oswald]

Niiiiiice. No need to lecture you on imagery, multis, internals, metaphor or vocab. You butchered this one. Love it.

[Moniker]

Thanks Nib, and Ledge ofcourse.

[Atti]

Lol, how can you not fall in love with a Mindless drop? Great job man, as always. I read the poem version of this and I loved it then, I just never got around to feeding it for you. Very creative and abstract metaphors coming together to paint such vivid pictures in the frame of a larger. Not much to say, I can't help but to read and love all the work you do because you never seem to drift away from consistancy. Great job once again man.

When you get some time fams...
'The Central Artery'

[soulstice.]

This is a first om i read from you, and it is fuckin dope. The flow of the multies jus conitnued and went on and on... the rhyme scheme was just likea apoetic onee, except fast.

Futuristic isn't it?
When humanastic fulfillments insist we're just
dust and ashes. The past is yet to come.
I've spit blood into the sands of time, breathing
whirlwinds from my lungs.

that was dope, creative abstract metaphors tied into the piece, with the rhyme scheme weaving in and out. not much to say about this piece that hasn't already been said, but excellent job