acid dreams

[B--Red]

This is the first rhyme I've posted. Let me know what you think.

Drip drop from an eyedropper.// Eyes squeezed tight shut over a blotter.// Open up your eyes and take a look around.// Take it all in from the skies up to the ground.// Two, four, six, eight its 10 o'clock you're running late.// Take this hit yo and dont be scared,// I'm on seven now and look how well I've fared.// If you're gonna be chillin wit my team// do what you want but don't bait out the scene.// Boys be smokin their blunts then they be turnin green.// Puking their guts out on the grass, from the grass.// Try to stand up again and fall on their ass.

[AngelicSheShe]

first time ever to flow? Well hmmm..... adive time: Find a beat that "flow" had no flow to it at all.. umm.. yea work on vocabualry.. word play.. and other things too... seperate the bars too. OoNnEe

[BLuNT]

yo, what up B... notice she said the same thing I told you like a week ago... you need to write with a beat, your flow is seriously off.. your vocab's a'ight.. try writing with use of metaphores and shit, don't get straight to the point, shimmy around it a little bit but still get it across... you stuck to the topic, most people don't when they first start, so you got that down.. the best advice I can really give you is to check other peoples shit and see what their doing, don't copy them but adopt a style..