my 2nd freestyle(please reply)

[southsideloco]

here my three...
1.crackabox-jus a lil freestyle
2.cronix-dez diss
3.last poet-...could it be?


yo heres sumtin small...hopefully not to small but small
please give me sum feedback, tryin to elevate

aight here it go.......

Im the carziest, the most reballious there is to be/
homies try to corrupt me,takeover...u see they DONT KNOW ME/
Im so fucked on the head I could kill a man if he said "wasup"/
....there goes your brains throught the back of your head you jus drank ur death cup/
I smoke so much herbs the fumes i exhale can evacuate any place/
I stay so damn high,im in earth but i go 2 space like "inter"planetary space/
Im so damn dangerous they gotta "beware of spic"sign on me n wont let me go outside to hustle drugs fo money/
they think ima kill somebody...naw man Ill jus make some1s nose go bloody nose runny/
So like i said b4 dont ever fuck wit a carzy man like me/
cuz u duont know where i be, what i do...shit i might even let saddam free!/


please reply,
hope i elevated some

peace

[Mistral]

This was ok.....your structure could use some work though i think..some of your lines are stretched out to far, try keeping them all the same length so it doesnt throw off the flow..also try adding some more multies and internals to keep the flow going and to make it better...but keep at it.

[Jaktheripherbs]

u southside if u need help hit me up on aim ill give u a tutorial on writing that some one typed up jaktheripherbs is my aim name

[southsideloco]

aight dats cool i need all de help

[Jaktheripherbs]

hit me up on aim ill giv it to u

[bospitta]

yo man i see what ur gettin at but it seems like ur tryin to tell a story just let it go dont worry bout tryin to prove a point but i can see that u got potential so keep it up