A White Nightmare

[snakeyes]

Replied:
Last Poet
Southsideloco
Word Perfect


Anotha day, sunshine reflects da horizon with its uv ray/
While we go about our priorities trying to get payed/
Livin this life like a blind date, clueless actions are portrayed/
lost souls infected with dat industrial virus, alcohol & narcotics/
I smell something fishy and it aint ya sistas pussy/
Its this life re-running like i love lucy, people accusin & abusing/
Their will and their lifestyle, judging your profile and attire/
Thats why honesty does not exist cuz everyone is a sinna & liar/
Mankind will be the destruction as we burn in a ring of fire/
Money, Greed and desire create murder fo hire/
Kidnappings are beggining to get higher straits for a dyer/
Tellin you dat evil men lurk in the shadows in different colors/
Fear of anotha mans cultural backround, da news makes it sound/
But i notice a fact comin from my perspective keepin track around/
How many mass murderers kill people in cities and little towns/
Da answer aint black or brown, its more white dan paint on clown/
Reached the end of my thesis, yall don't like it, it my recess pieces/

[LastPoet]

...Hmm...not bad...I felt as you didn't stay on the topic through the whole thing...but...not bad...keep up...^^

[|>SWIFTWAKYA<|]

i tht that was aight
i cud rlate ta u lyrics
n u rymes were gud
keep it goin

rturn faver>>>http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=99921
sfe
peace out

[skitten]

It was interesting. I think the elevation was a little off. Topic was aight. I think you could've done better on that. Nice ending. I see so much shit where people is weak in ending. Pretty cool shit.

[noncentz]

steered a little of track but all the elements were there i think you can do better but this isnt a bad piece by any means

[Mistral]

Yeah this was alright i thought....you are improving from your last couple pieces i saw from you....structure in this was pretty good....your vocab was good as well...flow in this was off at parts i thought but nothing real bad....but overall this was alright...keep at it.

[snakeyes]

thank you guys, all of you. I know in the past i hadnt replied dat much, but now dat i have realized the help of your words, i understand how much everyones work matters. thank you.