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Thread: newbiee

  1. December 19th, 2003, 02:08 PM #1
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    newbiee

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...84#post1000184
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...06#post1000206
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...97#post1000397

    yo here goes am newbie ta rb as it says ne criticisms welcome

    ill spit this shit slow so that u can get it right//
    i flow at the speed of light//
    when i spit its liek dynamite//
    with punches like gasoline when i ignite//
    i make youre whole family disunite//
    then i celebrate ma success with a sprite//
    and dont go lukin for santa cos u just mite get a frostbite//
    when i step to the mic i openly recite//
    that youre lyricals skills are pure finite, so lets fight//
    you dont know when im gonna hit ya cos im like a meteorite//
    as it hits the earth it causes a quake but affects me sleight//
    smashes youre sattelite dish so thers no gramhem norton//
    for you tonight or next autumn//

    yo im spite, but i cant polite, saw u mum last night//
    damn!...that bitch gave me a fright//
    she definatly got a big appetite//
    she stuck to ma dick like a parasite//
    she knew how to use her mouth and treat ma dick right//
    lastly to highlight that im bright//
    i have u wacked and buried then i extradite a flight//
    to hawai, in the sunlight ma skin burn right//
    i bet i make your head turn titght
  2. December 19th, 2003, 02:18 PM #2
    LastPoet
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    ...Hmmm..to focused on making words rhyme..you drifted off the topic...???...keep up...^^
  3. December 19th, 2003, 02:35 PM #3
    Mistral
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    This was ok....structure could use a touch up, some of your lines were longer than the others, try to fix that up cause you should try to keep your lines around the same length so it helps the flow out...you should try to use some more multies though....but keep at it.
  4. December 19th, 2003, 02:37 PM #4
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    yo
    sfe dan sfe 4 uz feedbak
    it does help
    sfe
    peace out

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  5. December 19th, 2003, 02:44 PM #5
    CrackaBox187
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    i kind of got tired of hearin the end suffix through the whole rhyme switch it up and flow to different endings, but do what cha do, holdem down
    [FONT=Century Gothic]DTA Records. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY[/FONT]
  6. December 19th, 2003, 02:57 PM #6
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    uppin....

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  7. December 19th, 2003, 02:58 PM #7
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    yo peeps keep tha feedbak comin

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  8. December 19th, 2003, 02:58 PM #8
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    still uppin....

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  9. December 19th, 2003, 03:26 PM #9
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    still uppin....

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  10. December 19th, 2003, 03:37 PM #10
    Sun
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    I'm new to the site myself,first I thought your flow was a little weak in places..you seem too focused on the wordplay you fell off the topic..hey holla back at my post!
  11. December 19th, 2003, 03:46 PM #11
    southsideloco
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    yo homie to.....this flow was pretty basic...u had a good rhyme to ii but it threw off a lil cuz o the length o ur bars....shorten em up .........but overall it was a good read n i liked it .....keep elevatin son

    peace

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  12. December 19th, 2003, 03:49 PM #12
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    yo sun wer uz at?
    post lin in erer

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  13. December 19th, 2003, 04:04 PM #13
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    dat was ma second i came up wiv thsi b4
    lolz
    i know is wack feel free ta say it

    yo u wanna battle me?
    u think u can rattle me?
    oh...please, thattl be the day
    but for now u just prattle on
    u need to stop prattin about
    u livin in a fantasy world
    bitch u no u xant handle dis
    u no u cant test this

    ma rhymes will leave u stunned
    like a tazor up ure behind
    i get ma grind on an leave u twined
    cos im quiker than the eye
    quiker than michael schumacher in an f399
    im slicker than tupac with a miciaveli book
    u just a bean flicker!
    i always knew u was a lesbi-an
    ther...i throw u fat ass a bar of snickers
    cos i know u liek fine nuts
    while i sit erer drinkin malt liquor
    with a a vicar from down the road

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  14. December 19th, 2003, 04:14 PM #14
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    uppin....

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  15. December 19th, 2003, 04:17 PM #15
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    yo y is ma battle record 0-1?
    can ne1 ansa dat?
    i havn fulin had single battles yet?

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