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Abused Child
Abused Child
furious striking screeches drench the helpless child
solid tamptrom aimed and insisted on whipping wild
tattered and bruised, aching bones leave a cringe
open wounds of bloody ooze, coverd in a dirty seringe
father upsettingly boils up, creating eruption of a beast
7 year old victim abused, fight back?....Try at least
everyday conflicted and insisted on hitting perfusely
hiding in cornered rooms, ignoring the smacking of tooshee
reason's clueless and unfound, whiplash out of anger
abuse builds up, solo striking creates a crazy strangler
mother cannot stop it, for she is deeply afraid of him
hitman conclusions ?.....theory of shell pay for him
young child throbbing in open pain, no where to go
cowardly boxed in, unabled to let the fury and pain show
relatives distant, familys torn apart from dads act
raped and molested is future..............A sad fact
quick decisions of escape run wild, headed to a goal
they creep the hallway, open wallet and money we stole
journey of freedom breezed the windows of the car
while still staring viciously at father, from a far
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I enjoyed reading this piece. It had some emotion in it. The vocab and structure was on point. I think you should do a follow up on what the child and mother did after the escape. Like where did they go and what not.
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Word.
Will do that maybe later today....If im in the writing mood :rolleyes:
Thnks for the feed though, Up
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Yea this piece was cool. Good story, I could actualy picture the mother in my head, and she's hot. But as Duval said, I would like to know about after they escaped. Good piece man. RTF in my sig.
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This was cool. It was wierd at the beggining with the imagery but it was still vague. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Seemed like you rushed the ending a little, but this was a decent little piece. Keep up the work.
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You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
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word it was quite nice for this topic,the vocab was cool cus at times you's use a highly vocab but in others ud use word that a little boy would say and that gave this piece personality,imagery was real nice,the emotion in this was so true and real and at times heart felt because there are children out there suffering and its fucked up....nice view on things man
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very emotional piece!! i like it!! different style bt works!!! feelin this blood!!
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This was a good read, pretty complex. imagery was well painted in this piece. some decent vocab. I think if you stretched you're lines out a bit more it would flow better...other than that it was good 8 /10
