Deadly Thoughts

Deadly Thoughts
Automatic's First OM

hiding no where to be seen, a mass murder in progress
first shot, dead-on, second and third, were flawless
shooting uncontroubly, each shot made his confidence bigger
feelin even more invincible with each pull of the trigger
breathing immensly, thoughts of pain and suffering filled his mind
takin aim, randomly chooses the next victim in line
- - - - - - - - -
rewind, 2 years back, where the story all started
age of 17, living poorly, parents were parted
hard life, wanting every second of it to just dissapear
family, some were born, some died, not once did he shed a tear
hated life, depressed with it, looked to pain as a guidance
started bullying others as a form to boost his confidence
"it makes sense" he supposed, "why murderers kill"
"its not for the fame, the money, not even the thrill"
"they want a meaning in life when theres no other way to get it"
thoughts like that crossed his mind, "maybe one day i'll do it"
it wasnt worth it, made a decision to do something worthy in life, or
a painful death to hundreds is something that i have to strive for
- - - - - - - - -
invested for months, months to years, finnaly saved up enough
walked his way to the rifle store lookin for something rough
found a gun, all black, matchin scope, looked ready to go
bought it, took it home, crawled under bed, placed it below
waited for the next morning, since that was the day intended
slept well that night, dreamed ahead of all the lives he's ended
morning came, out of bed, took out the gun from its rest
took out bullets, loaded it, cocked it, became very stressed
looked out the window, saw innocent people walking the sidewalks
aimed his gun on his first victim, then realized that minds talk
'dont do it' filled his head and erased all his emotion
but his will for a purpose in life re-ignited his devotion
looked threw the scope, hand on trigger, directed towards the head
started pullin, couldnt do it, realeased the gun, my mind lead
me into thinkin over the situation, either i do or not
sure i will have a meaning, but what if i get caught
finally, the thoughts in his mind raised their voice
"listen, its now or never son, make ur choice...."

feed will be much appreciated.

It was my first attempt at anything topical, so that may be the reason for the bad flow and everything or whatever. Please leave feed, whether it be good or bad, so I can elevate.

Links:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=256317
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=255669

that shit was strong to me
could have fixed up the words a lil bit much of um were jammed
lots of potential in here yo

thanks.

uppin.

leave a link.

ye really like that flow and detail all together nice piece

thanks man.

feed plz.

leave a link.

uppin feed.

Dood....This Was A Really Good Peice For A 1st Om.....I Actually Only Read The First Section But It Seemed Dope.....Im Bout To Be Out But I'll Break Down The Whole Verse Tomarrow If U Send Me A Pm

word homie.

thx for feed, ill hit u up later.

For the first one, this seems kind of unbelieveable, but you must've done battling before this...because to come off into topics that easy is really hard to do. You've done really well on this subject, and the topic was well thought out and original...Good job and keep the good work up, try lining up the lines next time though and keeping even structure as well as consistant and decent flow...Again good job and keep on writing and you will grow better. Step your vocab up each time you write and you'll get viciously good. Good work,

~Nash

i appreciate the feed homie.

ya, ive been battlin for awhile now, and this was my first topical attempt.

ill try the lining up the structure and uppin my vocab on my next OM.

thanks again, homie.

rise.

Hey, i was really feelin that dude. I battle a lot, but i always been into topical shit. you say thats ya first OM? shit, thats great... Some good multis, good allround structure and rhyme scheme. But yea, some of ya words were jumbled...

Great job

~1~

for a first attemp this was amazing, the flow and emotion was real dope, the topic was well thought out aswell, your rhymes wre just the icing on the cake just there to finish it off 8/10

this drop was good....i like the topic. you stayed on it. str8 vocab. used your words well. nice concept. good ryhme scheme....7/10