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Death's Reason.
Walking into pain,and suffering a wound deep as a canyon
Seeing a rain full of bullshitting answers reek out and in
Beneath a pile of sins,i come to run through fire in halls
The heat so tremendous,my legs melt as i start to fall
The pain of others i made suffer,slash through my direction
And all their problems come together in a straight connection
Blood running through my mind,and stopping inside popping out
A river full of cunning devils come behind,to laugh and shout
I reach out for a breath,and come out of a clear river
Leading into an ocean,what was left was a puddle of water
I walk forward to a path of rose pedals into a woman masked
Dropping it I almost feel to pass out,and now knew the task
Through the pain and suffering lead me to my beautiful wife
And just for a second my rain of tears hault as something was not right
Clouds which i stepped upon,dissapeared and i fell down fast
My happy bliss had came to pass,and knew now it wouldnt last
I find myself on the street,and i see a man walking towards
No movement in my feet,i panic quick as he comes forward
I hear him speaking a language i dont know of,but my life would end
Crying him to spare me in anguish,tears run down i speak up,but than....
The End.
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awsome imagery hot as hell i went through wit it the whole wayWalking into pain,and suffering a wound deep as a canyon
Seeing a rain full of bullshitting answers reek out and in
Beneath a pile of sins,i come to run through fire in halls
The heat so tremendous,my legs melt as i start to fall
The pain of others i made suffer,slash through my direction
And all their problems come together in a straight connection
luv the beggining keep doin ur thing
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Good piece! The topic was a lil overrated but thats iight. The flow was unique; ya own style n thats hype as hell. Coulda up'd on the vocab a bit but other than that everything seemed on point.....Cool piece.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=269075
Return.
pz
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You seem to have a good grasp on imagery and word choice, you add a lot of drama and suspense with that. The flow was okay, it reads smooth enough, but to tighten up you're going to have to develop your rhyme schemes. Multies would also help your flow no end, and make you a far more well-rounded head than a lot of those Ive read recently in this forum. You have the potential there, no doubt, you just need a little work here and there to improve a little more. Hit up the Help Desk forum and look around for some of the topical / storytelling tutorials, they could help you immensely.
This wasnt bad by any stretch, I enjoyed the read.
Stay up, and keep posting.
Peace!
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liked the images that you painted from ya drop
you used good vocab to pull out your topic more. i was feeling it all the way. from the first bar to the last. death is something that i like to rap about t times but that was hot. the flow was kinda flippin at the beginin but you got it together through-out the rest of the verse. keep it up bra...
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well done. good structure wording N' vocab was on point topic is kinda played but your imagae N' wording in this verse was different good opener N' closer keep it up
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by da way, hit this up, it's me and laydipz drop in ehre. thankz
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=269752
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Posted on rapieadlists this open mic.
