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Differ Of Yous
Differ Of Yous
As if my lungs are in war B,since my words make bodies retreat
I leave no trace of compation or sympathy....
...........................................thas why my pen bleeds for me
if 'thoughts' compared to 'rain',our mouths are ships w/letters haul'd
as our lips move at a steady pace...........................
........................................our minds 'cascade' let'n the 'waterfall'
people's actions 'range' from highs&lows like 'mathematic equations'
but when u begin2 'change ur values'.....................................
.......u 'add' hatred,'multiply' it by envy,lead'n 2'subtraction' of faces
we are all equal individuals with a pulse an blood in our vains
then again u dont think when ur patience 'boils'......
........................until the 'steam' is restrain'd from the 'flame'
most seek refuge, most give life to the used, others let life pass through
some hide behind lies, an hide the truth....................................
..............................there is no riddle,no need 4 clues
..............................what kind of being are U?
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Alright. Man Your structure, the dots, I hate it. Brah you can fill that up with some decent metaphors or adjectives or something, not dots, dots limiting your creativity in your words and a reader (me) Don't want to see that. This was a good short piece, emotion was good and the choice of words (wordplay) was good. I kinda lost interested in your verse once I saw those dots man. Anyway's the flow was kinda smooth, relaxing, not forced, that's good. Keep writing brah.
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ima fix my flaws fam....thanks 4 the feed
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yea i wasn't feelin the dots either...but other than that this was pretty alright....this was pretty short kinda simple...topic was cool...flow was descent...rhymes were good....could use more elevation though...just keep at it man.....peace
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