philosophy

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=276178
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=276392

i wrote this today at work...

(1)home comming...

im havin hate thrown in my face
never at home in this place
ill instigate and innovate
stab the fuckin magistrate
mad because i agitate
so i hope you have it straight
n when it comes to my fate
i will never hesitate
will sit down and meditate
learn how to levitate
take the game and elevate
wont die cause hell can wait
beat the pack i set the pace
leave you dead without a trace
wasnt runnin.. won the race
now its onto a clean slate


(2)ciggarettes....

everywhere i look heads be analyzing
dont care dont give a fuck set on the horizon
return stare and tread on those im more alive then

here to make you question how ya livin life
no clue askin yourself did ya get it right?
its true though that ya often less than right

but while im here i might as well tell tha truth
failin life is the fear that says get in the booth
tired of this beer i wanna be drinkin vermouth

but white boys from the burbs dont have rythym
cant write down my words, flow, mine isnt
but despite what you heard i go right with it

only been interlockin verbs for like 2 months
not gun cockin but ya heard i smoke a few blunts
wont be stoppin n ill fuck up any man who fronts


constructive criticism welcome

hey this piece weren't to bad, the structure was a lil choppy but i found it easy to follow. not a bad piece all in all
how ever you could do something about your structure and add a lil wordplay here and there maybe:)

sorry

thanks man, i appreciate it, uppin for more feedback

Flow was kinda choppy here and there, but for the most part if read pretty smooth. I personally like verse 1 the best. Multis were nice, like how you kept the same rhyming sound through out almost all of verse one, and the verse still made sense...

Keep at it :)

the last 2 verses were good... shows me your intentions and that u aint skerrrred

bes lines:

but white boys from the burbs dont have rythym
cant write down my words, flow, mine isnt
but despite what you heard i go right with it

only been interlockin verbs for like 2 months
not gun cockin but ya heard i smoke a few blunts
wont be stoppin n ill fuck up any man who fronts

aight aight much appreciated, uppin

oh, its 2 separate pieces so that should clear up the flow a little