Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
A recognizable foe and an unfamiliar one.
Good luck you two.
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...17445&posted=1
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...html?p=8218331
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...html?p=8218753
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...499/index.html
Last edited by trajik; August 11th, 2011 at 10:52 PM
infektedpenz
brap
check
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Unknown Tragedy
-Song of Sorrow-
A tragedy, victims are so sad to see, unknown cause
They're frantically panicking, trapped in misery's stone jaws
Becoming a mystery riddled page in history, crying
Weeps of sorrow, hoping for tomorrow, disaster trying,
Callously, to steal the reality of these sufferers
Clinging to life, grief bringing them down, how could they suffer worse?
-Touch of Grey-
The sun rays fade becoming dark shades of grey, enveloping
The atmosphere above, they must fear the developing
Smoke in the air, the folk in despair: void of optimism
Tear drops and landscape are xerox copies in this optic prison
Anguish all around, ashes on the ground, pandemonium
In the midst, dissenters amass, here stands a lonely one:
-Silent Soul-
A quiet girl sovereign from the riot, appearing to pray
She's running and huffing, there's nothing I'm hearing her say
Conspicuous confusion in her eyes, her tormented soul
Lusting for justification for the burn scented knoll
Wandering alone, pondering reasons why this transpired
No one deserved this fate that was served, but the luck expired
-Conclusion-
Distancing my position, witnessing the turmoil unfold
This sight of plight delights me, my soul is soiled and cold
Knowing I provoked this growing state of hysteria
Is endlessly pleasant; horrendously, this area:
This village, was pillaged by my actions of setting it ablaze
I set the fire for my desire of sending it a craze
Good luck man, thanks for the extension.
Last edited by trajik; August 8th, 2011 at 09:43 PM
infektedpenz
sorry guys i'm going to no show
take the ext, trajik
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Viva La Vida
After five years, scratch that, even more, together
I always thought we’d make it through the stormy weather
But then lightning struck and the bolt, bright as fuck,
Will forever be in my memory, saying my life is up
My friend said to me “Remember, lighting strikes just one time
Get out from under your cloud, the bright side, the sunshine
Is in your vision, live a little, forget this cataclysm”
I could only stare blankly, thinking, “That was living”
We headed south of the border, surely bound for disorder
“You’ll have the time of your life,” assured my doubtless supporter
The sound of a quarter, at the bottom of a beer glass
Marked the start of the night, and then it started moving real fast
My friend was drunk immediately; I wouldn’t touch a beverage
And his stagger and slurred words weren’t much for leverage
I could smell it on his breath; he was breathing tequila
He raised his shot glass and shouted “Viva la vida!”
I don’t know what his lips said, but I know what my lips did
I thought “fuck it,” opened up, and then all my devils slipped in
Next thing I remember I was in bed with a Spanish chick
With them latin hips, you better believe that the ass was thick
Fine as fuck, but couldn’t have been older than sixteen
While I was holding her tits she asked, “You know what my lips need?”
I was nervous, so I told her, “No! Please Señorita!”
She giggled, grabbed my cock and told me “Viva la vida!”
I don’t know what the mouth said, but I sure know what it did
I started groaning a bit, she stopped and I blew my load on the kid
Next thing I know I’m sitting here in this hotel room
Swell view, but how I got here I couldn’t tell you
My recollection of last night’s resurrection is fuzzy
My buddy was headed in the best directions, or was he?
Fuck me… I lived life twice over by midnight
Then once more, and never questioned whether this shit’s right
Now I just feel dead, like my head’s in a guillotine
And I still don’t know what the fuck “Viva la vida” means
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I think Trajik has a better structure and a bit better flow, but Atlas had a story that kept me interested more, even though I questoined a couple lines, like "I thought “fuck it,” opened up, and then all my devils slipped in" <---borderline homo haha, no hate but just watch your wording.. n how old is the dude in your story atlas? he messin wit girls that arent even sixteen? fucker better be 17 tops haha, I'm now still questioning whether to give you the vote Atlas lol.. naw but shit, trajik just took on too many topics and it felt like a ton of mini ass stories, should have tied it together or something, cuz it just never really got a point where it pulled me in, Atlas had some strange shit at times but it had some content to it, even though its just basically a fucked up story of this dude's night gettin trashed n laid by some young ass latin chick lol, the ending was kinda funny n shit, but yeah.. maybe I'm fizzled but I got Atlas taking this one..
VOTE: ATLAS
I gotta say with this I felt that Atlas came with a better cohesive drop but to me it was all so simple and plain which had be foretelling what was the next line going to end with.
Traj did improve a bit with the vocab and made an effort to bring a more vivid picture to the overall drop but the connection between verses did detract from the overall effect. But in the end
Vote Trajik
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Best Topical Writer: 143
Trajik: I really enjoyed your rhyme scheme, and your wording was pretty nice. Liked your vocab and how you didn't overdo it, but did enough to add a nice complex touch to the story which kept things interesting. Your imagery and detail was also good, and once I figured out how the piece fully tied in together it really brought your concept to life. Well done. Only critique is the flow got choppy at times, and I felt you could have been a bit more natural.
Atlas: I felt like you lacked in the creativity department, it was a bit tough to stay fully engaged with your piece due to it's plain nature. Not to take away from your writing, however, because it was a very enjoyable structure.. just felt like it needed some spice to it. More imagery, more emotion. But nonetheless, still a solid drop.
Vote: Trajik
Trajik, yours was good man and raw in the sense that it seemed driven with imagery. I think the one thing that's been holding you back is the fact that you don't bring enough of a "whole" concept that connects and this week, I feel you finally stopped following that pattern. This connects well from stanza to stanza, though the flow breaks up and gets a bit out of rhythm at times, you manage to show some solid word choices and the inners are there when necessary. Keep at it, one of your better drops man.
Atlas, I'm going to be straight up with you, there's a way to use vulgarity without over-doing or making it seem awkward to the reader and you didn't accomplish that this week. I'm not a fan of cussing particularly in a piece, but this seemed a bit unnecessary for your idea. It's raw in nature, which is great, but it seemed more the sake of doing it than anything. Off that, this was good, some word choices were lacking, the detail wasn't as strong as we've seen from you and I think you just lacked the edge to top Trajik's verse, but good showing man.
I'm going to stick with the trend and also vote Trajik.
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Trajik wins (4-7)
Slayerr loses (3-8)
Atlas loses (0-3)
CLOSED
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Posting Rules
