Closet Secret; Insanity

[Spoken]

Closet Secret: Insanity

My mind
Bids for pain
Pleading, third
Degree sanity

My thoughts
Decay waving
Good-bye
To my happiness

I close
My eyes tight,
Counting to ten;
To open my eyes again.

I grasp
For a grip
To hold, as they say
“For dear life”

Breathe in account
For tomorrows
Satisfaction.
Burn my dreams
To bitter ashes
In sacrifice.
Shower my wounds
With water
That is blessed;
burning my sins
Softly with whispers.
Baptize my body
And bury me alive;
Cover these wounds
That show off.

I wrap my wrists
And cover my ankles.
Hide behind shadows,
That grow with laughter.
Medicaid my heartland
With grassy Plainfield’s.
Bathe me in lilies
That ascends;
Sweet scented cries.
He has sent me
Here for a purpose,
Not a reason,
So I stay in support
And comfort.
I draw lovely pictures
With carved cravings
For others to know
-“I was here”

Tie me down
and loop my arms
past one another
to show myself love.

In this time of action
I sit patiently and help.
I cooperate with
Such demands and smile.
This is my haven,
This is my kingdom.
Come whatever may…
The bulb above me is my sun.
Happy thoughts they say…

“Think of a happy place”

My happy place
Is here; I have found
It in this solitude of need.
I bask in what
I have found
to
be
.
.
.
“My chamber of Sanctum”

[Neruda II]

Wow, great work here man. Very impressed. Your tone was outstanding, and precise. This was well thought out and the breaks were perfect. It was calm but intense at the same time, really an amazing effect. The diction was on point, not overly complicated but you used your words well. You really showed a strong sense of a poet in this one, a poem written in great maturity. You're growing quickly homie.

Of course this is a very introspective piece, it seems like a brutally real look into yourself. I'ma take a shot in the dark here and say this might be about poetry itself and the place it takes you to. It goes from a feeling of insanity to a atmosphere of serenity. That's a great way to show the cycle in which alot of poets write. I really enjoyed this. Stay up homie.

[Cody Nash]

weird piece. loved how deeply it went into whomever it was describing. could be you or it could be you from another's perspective. but either way, you portrayed this very nicely. there's not much else to say except that it was tight. it almost had a bit of flow to it but at the same time none at all, and there were some pretty cool metaphors. using those two "well known" phrases was a clear way to describe the things going on at those parts and i'm glad you described those as already used saying rather than just using them in the piece. I hate it when people use those types of sayings as if they made them up, but you used them to a plus side. good read, thanks.

[Spoken]

thanks o appreciate the feed deeply .

[Kaotic Theory]

dude the structure after opening the thread when i saw i automatically thought wow basic/gay/wack/waste of read.....BUT...it was actually such a relaxing peace to read dude it was like a 'heaven like lolley-bye' was honestly such a beautiful read bruh in the imagery perspective it was laid down perfect man i loved the originality in this bruh.....the emotion meh was mediocre to above decent was okay with me...not amazing but was fine,
man this is just a hair slightly one dust from a fart cloud off of being DEFINATE HOF MATERIAL,-but mosdef dope dude your last 2 drop's have been nice and have impressed me immensly. thanx dude

okay now to be the cruel ego...NEGATIVES......'emotion is good but need to be a bit more stronger and solid - i want a picture(imagery) with feeling's(emotions/ not just a picture you feel ....the emotion was fine but was like not 100% there like the reader oh so wishes it was lol.....and maybe having word's misplaced he somewhere they don't fit that throw's off the flow....although you didn't have that problem in this one you did in the previous....just giving you real feed that's only gonna make you greater than you already are my dude.......
overallabout 80% pleased here very good shit duke'

[Spoken]

thanks man love to see you feed my shit cus you the dude that is cruel and honest with blunt speeches to learnaadvice from bruh thanks mate i appreciate it big tie i owe you....

bumpity...

[Kaotic Theory]

no prob that's how i elevate still today with feedback to where not only positives, but the reader will posts up my negative's also so i can see what i can fix maybe to better my next poem after to a level of extreme....


sick drop though dude, hey we still need to collab man.....what the feezy pm with a topic soon.

[Split.]

yeah.. pretty damn dope there buddy.. I loved the structure.. because it was a plain structure.. but it allowed the words to be what carried it... I hate when kids are like.. "yo, that structure was the shiznit." Structure isn't deep.. this was.. Good job.. I don't really feel like writing a huge long critical breakdown of the piece because you've got 70000 other jerkwads to do that.. but I'll leave you with this... It was ill.
Split.

[Spoken]

thanks man appreciate it for your time and KT will do mayne..

[Poeta Demonio]

You have a unique style, and this piece deominstrated the power of simplicity, it was set through calmness, yet at the same time made me feel uneasy as i read further, it was almost like you were writing as your own character, your own mindstate, maybe i'm wrong, but i don't actually think this piece was about insanity, i believe it was about society, and what is becoming of people in general... If so, that was a real nice touch man, interesting way of deliving your message, the structure i also believe may have been symbolic as the breaks kind of made me feel like it was a pause of tention, almost like it ws a deliberate catylist to create an eary 'what's going to happen next' kind of sittuation. Once again, maybe i'm wrong,m but that's what i drew from the piece.

Okay as for internals, your word choice was pretty perfect, nothing i can really point out as misplaced, it was well plotted and had an interesting tone to it. You used light and shade of imagery to almost draw the reader into believing in things that wasn't actually said in the piece, which was clever.

Nice piece man.

[Spoken]

^^well thank you i actually was trying o find a way to deliver in my own character but also as a whole in the world...so you pretty much got it poeta...and the breaks yea....something like that...

thanks man appreciate it.

[Poeta Demonio]

Upping.

[Spoken]

bump.

[P. Mortuus]

Nicely done man, from the last time i was in IE you have evolved so much that your old pieces seem trash..no disrespect to your old pieces at all but this is on a nother level, it's as if you finally found that shine that was under dirt and only shone at moments and at others was dull. This was nicely done, with thoughts flying in every corner, a very good soliliquay type ish.

[Spoken]

bumpin.