Iced grande soy chai

[Neruda II]

Vomited contingency
throughout the night-
it's leftovers
trickled down my chin like slugs.
We all have our demons.
Mines
are dormant lovers,
convoluted and massive.
What you feel in your poetry;
I felt that the first time
I spoke to you.
That unapologetic remorse;
I didn't want to pull you in
knowing that my smile
would be your downfall.
I'm a gifted liar,
I'm aware of what to say
and when to say it.
Then claim to wonder
why they think I'm some sort of perfect.
I don't know if psychosis fits me,
but I wear it well.
I don't mean to be this way
but making someone love me-
gets me through my day.
Your monsters aren't demented
they aren't enormous and meditated upon.
They don't give you incentive to calculate
the quake in your honesty
when my perfection makes you question
your humanity.
I'm bigger than your monsters.
But despite my tendencies,
I vowed that I wouldn't let it happen.
That my manipulation wouldn't collide
with another faint hope.
I spent my nights ignoring the cost;
and put these demons to bed.
Once again, they lay dormant.
I'm smart,
but I think you're smarter.
Please figure me out
and climb out of it.

[Neruda II]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-358295.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-358453.html

[Pacino]

I really enjoy this man. Really did bro. Right when I was getting to where I thought Ol' Sharp was resting in a coma. He brings out another BRILLIANT masterpiece from the grave. the word use was magnifcent bro. Really was. Each choice of words set well. Nothing elementary about it. The Imagery was fucking beautiful dude. You described everything SO well. That it settled like a movie in my mind. I felt the concept was incredible, something so basic turned into something insanely enjoyable. In reality, I'd say HoF. But this is Legends IMO.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-k-358288.html
D.A.R.K. - Fractured And Jonathon

Cry nominated it for HoF. So please enjoy man.

[LedgenZ]

And this is the type of writing that puts you in my top 3 best poets in RB history category. Seriously dude, what do you call a none spoken piece that reads with this much diction? How do you describe a sound that you can't hear? Ex, If you can tell me the answer to that, then I can give you my "professional" opinion of this piece. Because honestly, I don't know what else to say. I suppose I can tell you that this piece was...errr...unique. But then again you probably already know that. So let me try this thing again. Hmmm...Let's see. Okay, first and foremost, I loved the language that you wrote in. I say this because usually your not shy with the vocab, but in this instance you toned it down a bit and in the process really got you point across. I especially liked the fact that you used the term "monsters" to express the most human of inhibitions and tendencies; which in essence it seemed to be a representation of "selfishness", which I really dug. To me it was almost as if you were begging her not to fall in love with you or better yet to fall out of love with you or at least hoped that she would see you for who you truly were before it was too late. Yet, at the same time you were having an internal battle with yourself -- you vs. your own personal demons for what you know to be right. Am I on the right path? Man, I sure hope so, cause this shit was deep. Anyway...



Favorite Lines:

What you feel in your poetry;
I felt that the first time
I spoke to you.
That unapologetic remorse;
I didn't want to pull you in
knowing that my smile
would be your downfall.
I'm a gifted liar,
I'm aware of what to say
and when to say it.
Then claim to wonder
why they think I'm some sort of perfect.

^ The dialogue here was spot on and really painted a vivid picture into the mind of the trickster. See my guess is this isn't really a fictional character. But more so a poem about how you really feel about yourself. It becomes obvious through some of the words that you use, cause only a person that lives or has lived that sort of life could make it come across as organic and honest as you did.



Also:

I don't know if psychosis fits me,
but I wear it well.
I don't mean to be this way
but making someone love me-
gets me through my day.
Your monsters aren't demented
they aren't enormous and meditated upon.
They don't give you incentive to calculate
the quake in your honesty
when my perfection makes you question
your humanity.
I'm bigger than your monsters.
But despite my tendencies,
I vowed that I wouldn't let it happen.
That my manipulation wouldn't collide
with another faint hope.
I spent my nights ignoring the cost;
and put these demons to bed.

^Seems she fell for the bate and got hooked on what she thought you were, but somewhere in the process you the tables turned when you really started to care for this particular fish. Now instead of eating her or jailing her in some pretty little aquatic tank of lies, you felt compelled to let her go or let her let herself go. The old "Catch and Release" technique eh? LOL. I really liked those lines a lot.



All in all, I didn't expect anything less from you then a piece I could dive head first into and almost drown on my way down. Deep shit! Pz

[Neruda II]

Thanks for the feed and the accolade bell. Glad you enjoyed it.

To ledge, I can't say enough to show my appreciation for your words. You hit it right, everything you said was correct. This piece is me, as brutally honest as I can be with myself, more than I'm comfortable saying. It's strange. I actually get nervous when I read it, it's almost embarrassing to have people reading such a introspective piece. I tend to write a lot of these, and most of the time I hide them in a folder that no one other than myself will ever read. I decided to share, and I'm glad people could relate or at least recognize where I'm coming from. Many thanks to anyone who even bothers to read the piece.

And yeah, the begging her to fall out of love with me, "climb out of it".

[Pacino]

Sorry for the freepost. But collab?

Also, make sure to hit that link I left ya boss.

[Atti]

god sharp, when your pieces hit for me they really just spit nails right through. you have this uncanny ability to use imagery so subtly to where anyone can pick up and follow but it just pounds on your mind so heavily that it has this crazy sense of sophistication and maturity despite a bit of accessibility. i dont know man.. i just really liked this piece for everything it dropped in my lap. oh, and that ending.. beautiful. had that effect where as you read it and your inner voice clips that final period the words just kind of reverberate in the back of your head. greatness.

[Bloom.Quist]

fucking dope Brian
title is legit too.

sorry this is lame feed, i just read it, thought it was good.
thought i'd tell ya

[Neruda II]

daaaaamn, thanks for all the feeds homies. I feel the love. if po'ethics thinks its dope, then I know its certified. This one was felt, and the title has its meaning, it's the first thing she said to me haha.

<works at starbucks and this girl walked in...the rest is history

[Dayvid Aimz]

Very nice you painted the picture of a girl thats very manipulative and........
at first seemed to take pleasure in breaking hearts than haves a change of heart and I think thats what made this piece so unique....
how it was going in one direction then went in another....
you have good command of the topic in this one....




liked these lines most:


it's leftovers
trickled down my chin like slugs.
We all have our demons.
Mines
are dormant lovers,
convoluted and massive.
What you feel in your poetry;
I felt that the first time
I spoke to you.
That unapologetic remorse;

those lines stood out to me and just seemed really poetic and powerful in alot of ways....
they sound from the heart and sincere....sometimes its hard to squeeze sincerity in a piece.