Beside Herself

[Miho]

fingertips, they pierce through
wasted surface.
drowning. bleeding from
the outside -
in.

she lay beside herself.
holding on to what was left.

picturing her silhouette in
different frames.
black and white to hide
stains caused by
burned images.
those perfect negatives
never had a chance.

dull memories they flood.

s
i
n
k
i
n
g

all the while she’s
blinded by the backs that flash,
in.
out.
ones turned when all
she ever longed for were silent
faces that bowed
with such approval.

she lay beside herself.
reaching for what was displaced -

wanting nothing more than to
tear away from this place.

Picket.
sign(s) language,
unfamiliar words
could not be read
through scarred fingertips
for they no longer sustain hue.
in time, all seizing to exist.

with screams of lost whispers
that echo in sound proof
walls. she’s left grinning,
in her unhappily ever
after.

there. laying beside.
her self, nowhere to be found.



Links:
Inconvient Lie
spring waits for no one

[Jukon]

I liked this, a bit mysterious and eerie but still holding a strong sense of direction and poise. Your line breaks were smooth for the most part, there was 1 or 2 I didn't like.

unfamiliar words
could not be read

don't know why, but I just didn't like this break. I felt like it should have read
'unfamiliar words could not
be read'
but that's just me

picturing her silhouette in
different frames.
black and white to hide
stains caused by
burned images.
those perfect negatives
never had a chance.

I loved the imagery there w/ the picture negatives, and the wording choice was perfect with what you were trying to describe.

through scarred fingertips
for they no longer sustain hue.
in time, all seizing to exist.

I really liked this, a lot. The seizing/ ceasing play was a nice double entendre. And the way you described all color leaving hands, in a way describing death was really nice. Kudos to that.

I've never read anything from you, atleast not that I recall but I'm glad I read this, it shows a lot of talent, and I always learn a lot by feeding people who are better than I when it comes to skill level. Anyway, hope you keep posting some work cause I really enjoyed your wording and creativity.

[Extinctor Draconis]

I was actually a fan of your line breaks, which is something I need to be a lot more self conscious about; they give a nice steady read. I think we're kind of similar stylistically, so that means I'll be looking forward to a collab sooner or later. I really like the imagery you used, especially at the start with the bleeding coming from out to in. Final stanza was a nice touch to end on. Really loved the lost whispers echoing in a sound proof room line; it just conveys a good sense despair that will never reach the ears of anyone. I like that you've come back to writing. PLEASE SIGN UP FOR PS

[spokenoh]

you, miss, are a serious talent. Once I sober up a bit, I'll leave you a good reply. For now, nominated.

[Miho]

thank you fellas! I really appreciate your words.

[unadored]

This was a fantastic read. The opening was well written and grabbed hold of me and made me want to read this. I like the way the writing seems effortless and flows so well, same with the emotion and imagery, done perfectly and the images you get as a reader are constant and also brilliant.
Super piece.

[spokenoh]

sorry about not feeding soon enough. I've been busy with school and etc.

This poem was very good. After re-reading it, I don't know what there is for me to say besides that I think it is very good. The language and semantics within it were strong but not overdone. I think that's partly what made me nominate it. You are saying a lot with very little but it isn't contrived.
Another thing is you can express the meaning behind words with typography, like in the last stanza. I really liked it. The only problem I see with that is the same as the other italicized part which is a perspective shift. It is a little abrupt and you have to be careful with doing that in a poem.
The images were consistent too. This, again, relates to what I said about typography and diction, but instead it involves content and image. There is a symbiosis between the two here, especially with fingertips/hand imagery. The theme of loneliness and separation is enhanced by those images.
All in all, a very good poem. Post more.

[abiona]

love you Moni.

How easy it seems at times to separate self from self. Until images trapped in photographs become unrecognizable. Are the "photos" a lie or do we lie to ourselves when we distance ourselves from the images they hold? Sometimes you just feel lost.

And lol. I'm not even commenting on the writing - I'd rather just discuss where this hit me and then give you a hug.

xo