The Story of Eve: An Alternate History(SS No show verse)

[Know-It-All]

The Story of Eve: An Alternate History
by James W aka illuminate.



In a land tattered and torn, people were scattered and bourne
for a new land since theres has been shattered and scorned
blood-spattered and worn forged by war she was born to lead
Eve, she swore a creed, enemies were sured to bleed
she said, "they'll be serving me." through all four seasons
Eve and her tribe treaded sword swinging all towards Eden
She didn't want to kill and maim, She lost her still aimed
focus of the future for thrill and gain, the shame fills her frame
The blame is on her and she knows it, but shes to close to quit
she chose to committ, so they keep going until she shows a writ
from her father, it said don't bother all of your work is squandered
you will be in the desert left to wander, Eve sat and pondered
the words cut her deeply, tears flowed as she weeps a plea
to her people to stand by her sheeply as they march steeply
through the barren wasteland, They were left in the fates hand
Eve states commands her army as they march into a dire straits land
their hearts of flames are breathing, Eve's hate is seething
as they are reaching the gates of Eden to face the heathen
of deception that she's been yearning for since the wars inception
when she came to her corps conception, This land'll fall no exception
blood-soaked battle ensues, Eve with hatred in her heart, she stands
as her army is slain she starts to remember when this all began


20 years earlier

He took a rib, dust and wind, mixed them together into something then
She was named and given to a man, her patience drew abruptly thin
when Adam, the man, told her to serve him, she said no, it became worse
he beat her til near death, he says he owns her because he came first
Adam was a man to some but not to Eve..... so she planned to run
From him when he went to his land to hunt, she couldn't stand to none
of his orders, he wanted to hoard her to himself, she made it to the boarders
but she was caught by what she thought was a voice in her head with disorders
Told her, "Eve, I'm your father don't even bother to fodder any longer"
that she can't leave Adam the first man...It would lead to his dishonor
She was afraid of the voice so she went back and stay with no choice
Eve became the model wife, did all her man's desire, he prayed and rejoiced
The voice came to her again and said, "God, your father decrees
that you to not touch the tree's leaves, don't ask just believe"
Adam was disturb by the words so he hit her, She heard a whisper
it wasn't god this voice differs, if you eat the fruit he will gift her
with knowlege of all time so she saw a small vine and stalled but climbed
every tooth anf nail scrapped to the top, excited on what she'd find
she didn't partake and eat, she decided that she would make a break and leave
even though she didn't know of the world beyond, if it was safe or freeze,
She was free finally untill a flash of light blinding red with a louder boom
"How dare leave my garden! I knew you'd be trouble , I had doubted you
and now my child you'll be hunted til you die, you need to choose right!"
She had no fear of god only rising hate, She screamed with venom "You lie
and your a fraud, i'll bring you down." all her days she tore and clawed
her way started this day with a sured facade when Eve declared a war on god

Present day.


Blood stained the fields of eden, Eve meets the general of god
he was careful yet flawed.....Her heart, she feels it beating
Eyes of flames her sword she raised and The generals helm's displaced
reaveling his face of Adam, she wonders how his blood would tastes
She struck her sword agains his flesh to where blood was spotted
she sawed, ripped and torn slowly through Adam's coratid
as he begged and pleaded he wanted to be safe he conceded
to her saying he is a man and god both, her strength was needed
but she didn't believe any word,she was a tough and real broad
he was a man playing omnipotent, she'll be known as the woman who kills god

Linkage
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...014/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...015/index.html

Hit me with links to your pieces I'll return the favor.

[Northern Beggar]

i'm huge on creativity and this was definitely a fun creative spin on the story of Adam and Eve lol. Told entirely through the perspective of Eve we were colorfully shown how much she endured before turning her back against her creator lol. The story was great, i thought. The flow was littered with multies however, there were a few awkward wordings, if i can be honest:

Told her, "Eve, I'm your father don't even bother to fodder any longer"

don't even bother to fodder? u were probably trying to fulfill a rhymes cheme but it was just worded weirdly (sp?).

There were also some plot holes the biggest being Adam able to hear the same voice that Eve heard (i almost assume that any voice from God is a personal one that only the intended subject could hear); not only that but for some reason he hits her after. why?

overall, despite some flaws, i thought this was a pretty fun read and definitely show your strength of thinking out the box. good shit my dude.

[Know-It-All]

thanks for the feedback

[Slave]

This was very deep, had a very good story. Good vocaubulary aswel.
The only thing I could give for feedback is that if you used a rhymescheme throughout this could be legendary. One of the best raps/poems I have herd on rap battles so far.

Good job, keep it up.

[Know-It-All]

This was very deep, had a very good story. Good vocaubulary aswel.
The only thing I could give for feedback is that if you used a rhymescheme throughout this could be legendary. One of the best raps/poems I have herd on rap battles so far.

Good job, keep it up.

It did rhyme allll the way through you know multis but thanks for the feed back brother.

[<SamPle>]

This was technically great as hell, the internal rhymes were just brilliantly done throughout consistently. I thought the opening 2 bars were really good where you had the shattered, splatter etc and Bourne etc. just seem to flow really well in my mind and started to paint the picture early on very well. The concept was well thought to, I like the 20 years later thing you did to , it was odd in some points reading but it's clear you have a creative mind and conveyed it well in words , respect man, keep at it

[OG Maestro]

One of my favorite verses of all time.

Congrats you sleeping bastard.