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Thread: The Incubus & The Angel

  1. #1
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    The Incubus & The Angel

    The Incubus and The Angel
    Featuring Emilyinthepool




    In the beginning there was infatuation
    Of the truest form
    One participant clad with halo
    The other Demon Horns…


    Our love transcends dimensions
    Souls separated by an ancient war
    She knows the heights of Heaven
    I am doomed to Hell's unpleasant warmth
    I would recant the long spoken allegiance
    Immediately and on command
    If it led to the promise
    Of her fleeting, faultless hand
    I long to meet her in the mortal plain
    Where our master's influence wanes
    But these chance meetings are never enough
    I find myself alone; with obsessive thoughts
    Of my Angel's name


    There’s a section for sinners, between St. Peter’s and Paul’s
    Those dimensions are nothing but translucent walls
    Your dictator knows, the gaps and the holes
    are portals we pass through, to reclaim the souls
    I met you in Eras of bygones past
    You were my lover, my first and my last
    We both walked on land then, as husband and wife
    But for riches and greed you ended my life
    Satan, your savior, tempted you cleverly
    Then God punished him, by taking your memory


    Still the ache for you bellows tremendously
    Throughout my demonic form
    Your voice is the splinter in my mind
    Your face a deeply entrenched thorn
    In my heart
    I knew from the Genesis that our start
    Would be marked by pain and wanting
    Heaven’s harps have never been so taunting
    Demons aren’t known for soft feelings or lost loves
    Yet still I find in my days of tormenting
    That which I truly long for is high above
    The clouds
    Lucifer has punished me many times for crying aloud
    Of how I would recant my allegiance
    If only to reunite with you now

    A splinter comes, from earth and wood
    The ache you feel, you know you should
    Demonic forms and deep trenched thorns
    in hearts of Glass, are just more storms
    They’re not your norm
    In Genesis, God took a break, looked at what he made
    He finished work, blessed it all, that was the seventh day
    He loved you then, I love you still.
    That’s not our start. Set you apart from pain.
    Set you apart from wanting.
    Heavens harps don’t do hauntings.
    And demons have feelings of love, for lost souls.
    Even if it is their own.
    We feel you, we hear you, we soften the blow,
    Of torment in hell, waging the war
    The love that you long for is truly not gone.
    Why else would you look?
    You had me called on.
    High in the cloud, above rain, above fear
    Look at our hybrid halo appear
    Lucifer feeds off your food, and hates it when you cry
    He hates it when you turn your back to take another side
    Allegiance is, to my God, the heavens, and the Saints
    Recant your ways, take my hand, reunite in yesterday



    And though The Incubus tried
    To break free from Satan's spell
    He could not free himself from the chains
    Which locked his broken frame in Hell
    God's Grace was lost
    The instant the ultimate choice was made
    His Angel cries tears
    Upon every eve of his ancient mistake
    Saddened that he didn't know the cost
    Of siding with the Son of the Morning
    Would be the truest love
    Forsaken

    The End


    Truth
    Emilyinthepool
    Last edited by Truth Iscariot; May 8th, 2014 at 01:13 PM

    AI

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  2. #2
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: The Incubus & The Angel

    Bump this is a legit piece, sleeping ass niggas

    AI

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  4. #4
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: The Incubus & The Angel

    Bump

    AI

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  5. #5
    wyrdsmyth Karaoshi's Avatar
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    Re: The Incubus & The Angel

    @Truth Iscariot @Emilyinthepool How the fuck this has gone weeks with no feed at all is a travesty...

    You guys managed to make an extraordinarily cohesive piece, which is often a problem with collaboration projects.

    Great concept, great direction following the concept the whole way through, very focused.

    If I was to give any constructive criticism here it would be this: be careful with your rhyming structure and syllable structure (i.e. flow). Sometimes the two can combine in a rather ugly way. What we call "limericks". They're the cheap, nasty, childish, amateurish, awful version of serious, professional poetry. This piece didn't come off as a limerick, but it came close in places. So be careful about your rhyming structure and flow. If in doubt, read it out... if it sounds like a limerick when you say it out loud, I'd recommend making changes.

    Top notch, solid poetry here tho. Great job guys!

  6. #6
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: The Incubus & The Angel

    Thanks Soul_Purpose. That was my first collab ever.
    I appreciate your feed and will take on board what you said.

  7. #7
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: The Incubus & The Angel

    ...cause I know you're talking to me re limerick lol
    thanks for pointing it out

  8. #8
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    Re: The Incubus & The Angel

    Loved it, first piece I've read in a while. I thought the concept was good, the picture fit it well and your fluidity throughout was great. The imagery was sound and gelled perfectly well with the emotion behind it. The wording was great. Great collab guys, looking forward to getting something up with you.
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  9. #9
    Thermo-dynamically gifted PureEnergy's Avatar
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    Re: The Incubus & The Angel

    Wow, this was amazing! Seriously, how did this go by weeks without feedback? Both you guys have some amazing talent. It seems you both fed off of each other.
    The Omerta Collective

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