the art inside our hearts

[memoir]

the light will shine through the cornea of your eyes, turning tonight
into wild fire;
mosquitoes feeding on the dead cells of vespers last known weapons
i stand here. my abrasions soft & escaping
the bright rose coloured affection that paints your bones.


tonight we are riding on Lucifer's rainbow
& tonight, i shall not see heaven.


booming like a stereo against the walls of my chest
my heart, blasting out palms that blossom & make the world revolve.
now i remember how much i love you
i am in love with you.


words fall from your lips in a way that turns days dark and nights bright
i run my fingers across your sections
the pace of my hands pulsating
to the mountain-side of your chest, my pressure climbs,
you are my summit.


your art is to add life to my heart
you bring beauty to the life inside me
i sing songs of seduction, in the hope
that every note dances on your ear.
i chant sing-a-longs of a midsummer nights longing love for all the world to hear
announcing my kinship, my love as everlasting
as the beauty my eyes capture.


let me etch our names inside the grooves of this
paper-weight world.

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION memoir,

This automated notification is a friendly reminder for you to provide (2) links to other member submissions that you left adequate feedback to.

[memoir]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Acoustic-Noose
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ve-Cloud-Leave

[Emily]

memoir, I'm so impressed with this poem. The arrangement of the lines, of the stanzas, with breaks in perfect places, imo.
The tone of the piece was spot on and the theme stayed on track from A to Z.
It seemed as if you had all five senses working here pumping that imagery out full boar.
This piece deals with the big subject of love in a stunning manner, with no unnatural stress on wording, no hesitation
stopping the flow, just consistent images showing us the whole picture, and living the experience, feeling the pulse of the poem.
I would show you which stanzas or lines I like, but to be honest with you, I love the whole piece. I think there was only one word which I wasn't big on, that's one word in the whole poem, which was..."i run my fingers across your sections"...being the word "sections", to me in such a sensitive piece, it sounded a tiny bit clinical, I would have preferred skin or something like that, you get the drift.
But it's hardly worth bringing up, and it's definitely just a personal thing, so forget I even said it.
Your point of view is clear and consistent, the flow is sweet, the pacing involves the reader immediately and keeps progressing, helping the setting and atmosphere, with details that sound believable, details that draw us in.
There's depth in character, and for a love poem, its not stereotypical.
I like the style of this poem.

This is a beautiful poem memoir.
Your poetry, is art.

Stunning read.

[memoir]

thank you for the kind words again Emily. and after another read, about the word 'sections' I agree with you. thanks for pointing it out.

[Laureate]

I haven't posted really in years so bear with me as I try to remember what the hell I'm doing.

The first 2 lines inspired some wonderful imagery for me. I'm not sure why I can picture flames
reflecting off of someone's eyes so well but it was a beautiful image.
I disagree with Emily about the use of the word 'sections' though. I thought the feeling of
distance and emotional uncertainty and awkwardness that comes with that word was a nice
fit.
This was nice overall. Sorry this isn't the best feed.

[memoir]

thank you man.