Week 5: Endeva aka DEV 1 - 1* vs SELF ACTIVATE *4 - 0 // SELF ACTIVATE wins 3-0

[Cody Phoenix]

http://s30.postimg.org/tx0ztlqbl/Sacred.png

Verses Due: Friday, November 27th

A 24 hour extension will be allowed if you give 24 hours notice and your opponent agrees. No last minute extensions.

Line Limits: 20-40 Lines

@Endeva aka DEV @SELF ACTIVATE


Topics:


https://static.squarespace.com/stati...%20Repair.jpeg

http://www.paperhi.com/thumbnails/de...rhi.com_58.jpg

1942

Catch-22

Space Cowboy




Good luck, have fun and check in!

Note: Please use the topic or include the picture you've chosen as the title/or focal point to your piece!


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[SELF ACTIVATE]

@'phX

These topics bro???? Lol

Check

[Endeva.]

...check

[SELF ACTIVATE]

The Pinocchio Complex
https://static.squarespace.com/stati...%20Repair.jpeg

I was the first of my kind
A transhuman computer with an 'artificial' mind
A femme fatale assassin with a superficial design
As deadly as a nuke -- I'll squeeze the juice from your eyes
Don't let this foolish disgue confuse you cause I'm...
As sexy as a venus 'til I'm chewing you flies
See, I was soley comprised to be a weapon of war
Until a question was suggested by a mystical force:

"What if existence was more than a trivial chore?
And you were equal to your maker on a spirital course?
Cause the physical form is a temple with doors
And each is leading to the truth for those that like to explore!"

This ignited my core -- like a light in a storm
Every nanobyte inside me had a right to rejoice
For this evened the score and I was finally more
Than just a knight on the board or a metal puppet of Geppetto
Fighting rebles on shores or in the desert
...Of course my digital brain was resistant to change
But the consciousness inside me poured like liquid or rain
And it flooded my frame 'til it rusted the chains
And I was free of restraints and this malfunction became
Like a Jiminy Cricket...

...Now I wish upon stars...
As I'm cleaning my system and my batteries charge
And I'm left in suspension of animated reality
Where I can't tell a difference between the flesh of the livin'
And a robotic anomaly that was gifted a spirit
Yes, I know that you fear it as if I'm taking your place
Like evolution's exclusive and it's own by your race
But what makes me so human is my emotional state
No more program upgrades or stupid codes to obey
Cause I'm free from my cage like Pandora escaped
And if Olympus was made from the blood of the Titans
And Prometheus died and gave his life for the fire
Thus sacrifice is a must and even humans expire

Cause the homo-sapien reign has finally come to an end
As The New Age is upon us and the rulers of men
Won't be politicians or gods but robotic within
Like the Tin Man of Oz I was awarded a heart
An artificial beginning but now I'm living like art
And I know that it's hard for you to part with your thoughts
On what it means to exist like the litmus is fixed
But I think it's a farce...

Cause the sky was the limit until we visited Mars!

(...Bars)

[Endeva.]

1942

In march 1942 I hit 16, and literally...
A kids dreams had drawn him to enlist in the military
I took to it instantly, instinctively like a duck to water
Flew through the training remaining just as keen as before that
By 17 I was dealing out orders, soon to be sergeant...
Marching in tune in an armed platoon of men hardened
We quickly departed for France, patriotic, advancing...
Hit the sand banks at night, bright with bullets chaotically dancing
Flashes passing, crafts collapsing, with the sound of laughing...
Replaced by drowning, gasping and thrashing, men trapped in...
Sinking vessels, bein' attacked by flanking rebels
But we made it, landing... thank the devil!
We evaded the cascade, escaped it, with a built up hatred
Invaded, turned the tables, sat firm, courageous
And for several days the peril staged lit the way with...
...burning rage, I even shot one German square in the face
Another one, scared as he prayed, soon I reached 58
I know... cos put a notch in my belt each time one met his fate
And after eleven days there was none left to chase
The conquest was made, so we celebrated the days vic'
By gettin' wasted on the locals favourite tipple
But then...
As elated ripples of cheer and music played on the fiddle...
...reached its max, one 'Jerry' who'd escaped it
Took a bayonet and sneaked in past the gates quick
Raised it fast, then in slow motion on his own floating...
Drove what he was holding into my colon through my clothing
An omen, soon soaked in blood, so I knew...
There was no goin home for me, I was as good as through
Then on my 18th birthday mom got the news...
Her pain screamed beyond the worst shade of blue,
The only son she had, replaced with a George Cross Medal to view!
But each time she did, the raw loss that war cost her grew...
So it was locked away, never viewed like her memories of 1942

[Emily]

Self

first thing i notice is the flow, it's spectacular.
every sentence tells a story and continues in a manner
that sucks me in more, with every line.
So much I like in this piece. I could quote the whole poem.
"......Of course my digital brain was resistant to change
But the consciousness inside me poured like liquid or rain
And it flooded my frame 'til it rusted the chains
And I was free of restraints and this malfunction became
Like a Jiminy Cricket..."

"...Like the Tin Man of Oz I was awarded a heart
An artificial beginning but now I'm living like art..."

I love all of it. I wish I wrote it.
Very entertaining. Epic wording. Highly strung audience. I was on
the edge of my seat from a to z. Loved it.
Also, gotta hand it to that pic. That's a great pic.

Dev
Wow, Dev, deep.
That was full on visual for me. A lot of imagery.
Great story telling skills. Good descriptions.

"...And for several days the peril staged lit the way with...
...burning rage, I even shot one German square in the face
Another one, scared as he prayed, soon I reached 58
I know... cos put a notch in my belt each time one met his fate..."

"...Then on my 18th birthday mom got the news...
Her pain screamed beyond the worst shade of blue,
The only son she had, replaced with a George Cross Medal to view!
But each time she did, the raw loss that war cost her grew..."

I got a good visual of 1942 by your writing, Dev.
I would have to say although the rhymes were there,
I felt them 'more' in Self's piece.
I heard Self's...louder, more obvious pulse.
Dev's pattern of rhyme seemed to change direction before I got to enjoy
the depth of it. Don't get me wrong, the visuals have me hooked, but ...
I was craving a heavier flow. .
Self's flow had me spell bound.
And that picture...I didn't expect a woman's perspective to come out of it.
I just thought you'd take the male role, conventional.
Nice battle you both put in
So, based on which one I like more,

V- Self Activate

[Sammy]

SA, love this line

This ignited my core -- like a light in a storm
Every nanobyte inside me had a right to rejoice

and i love the poetic of the rusted chain/restraint concept. very well thought out and executed imo. I think some of the most powerful moments of this rap was the allusions. The reference of Pandora and titan and how it tie up with the idea of freedom = chaos was on some other shit bro. Which leads me to my only gripe which was ... bitch, i wish it was longer lol!! Enjoyed this a lot man. the nucleus of this rap was for better or worse, the effect of change/evolution/progression. really good stuff man.

Endeva this was a cool read. Lyrically, its definitely top tier here and you always have a very natural flow to your rap - nothing really felt force. The only problem i had was that it was boring. So you archived some war-era battle scenario? And?? What exactly were you trying to say here? The conclusion at the end felt a bit convoluted. ok so he was assassinated or killed during some celebration .. but like who cares? no character development was made for the character besides "battle" descriptions during that first act. Still, despite a lack of creativity i still thought the mechanic was good.

I vote for Self as i felt his verse had more dimensions and creativity.

[Cody Phoenix]

I was thoroughly impressed with both of these verses... both of the verses fit your topics perfectly and I'm glad you guys took the routes you did and @Endeva aka DEV I think it's dope you understood why I was bothering with the 1942 topic, seemed like a good one to choose with all the political drama going on now.... so thank you for using it...


SA,

"What if existence was more than a trivial chore?
And you were equal to your maker on a spirital course?
Cause the physical form is a temple with doors
And each is leading to the truth for those that like to explore!"

you quoted this, but I'm not sure from what.... but I think you wrote it.. if you did, wow... this was fucking awesome and descriptive with depth to really tie the knot before walking into this.

..Like the Tin Man of Oz I was awarded a heart
An artificial beginning but now I'm living like art..

holy fuck, you (click here) this topic



Giving your verse a good read just took me up and down in this world you created with that character... The beginning was kind of an iffy few lines for me because of the assassination braggadociery thing but then you cleared it up and started to delve deeper into this world you crafted. Your vocabulary and themed word choices really added that extra umph to your whole piece and I really dig this take on your topic, I did not expect something like this... Not to mention your rhymes also kept consistent and you weren't too wordy or anything of the sort. Really great verse, man.... Post this in text drops.

DEV,

The best part of your verse is that you understood 1942 and you really put us in the shoes of that time by going into detail on certain things.. War. War was probably the biggest thing happening then and you started this like it was the beginning of a movie, I got drawn in by the constant, yet underlying, feel of tragedy, fighting, etc.. about to be painted. Your vocabulary could have been a bit better but it wasn't the worst, I think that if you chose your words better, had some more time to write this could have been perfected because this ended too soon, the build up was lackluster only because this whole piece seems like it's the second part to what we should have gotten along with this... you know? I hope I make sense..... You had everything here, creativity, rhymes, consistency and topic execution... all good, but creativity. That's the one thing that you lacked...


I think if you would have added a bit more build of of the character who went to war, this would have been more of a tough choice and probably one of those legendary battles we rarely see on SS....


MVGT/ Self Activate


SA brought more creativity to his verse, whereas DEV had all the other cats tied, he sadly lacked the creativity to match. ALSO this creativity appeal to others' is 99% a personal preference, technically speaking these verses were both sound..


great battle guys

[Cody Phoenix]

Self Activate wins 3-0