The Gentle Hurricane

[Karaoshi]

For all the sweet air that wise old mothers prattle,
I have found her absence made only my heart
blow yonder on the wind
like some wistful flurry of dirt
across the rust horizon,
seeking its prayer in an emerald pastor,
a lass, perhaps yet new to her field,
and still entwirled in the rush of it,
still tending to the daisies and cogon
with water and worry.

[Emily]

For all the sweet air that wise old mothers prattle,

Well.
Well, well, well.
I must say, 'For all the sweet air that wise old mothers...' is wonderful. It's more than that, it's wonderful with a build.
And, '...prattle...' is genius. It's an unattractive old word and it works in a seesaw way cause my imagery is off on
oppositional, kudos for that.
Let's move on.

I have found her absence made only my heart
blow yonder on the wind

There's something sinister here about this mother. I don't know if she's meant to be a mother, but she feels like a mother with grandiose narcissism.
On my path, this air needs to be farrrrrrrrawayyyyyyyy. Far far away.
I could trigger a panic attack if I focused on it.
Damn Soul. You sidetrack people.
Quit the grin while you're at it.

...like some wistful flurry of dirt
across the rust horizon,

Ugh, you annoy me in a snooty way that's good. 'Wistful flurry...is lovely. Of dirt?...is even better.
Then you chuck in 'rust horizon,'.
What tops making love?
A smoke after.
Your rust horizons are the cherry on top.

seeking its prayer in an emerald pastor,

Emerald pastor is beautiful. It's really, really beautiful.
Emerald as far those emerald eyes can see.
Inviting imagery taking me away.
And 'pastor' ...well, that one word can potentially, if let loose, damage.
I guess that's a strength of it...my mind won't stop with endless scenarios.
And the word prayer in that line is, I can't quite reflect how it makes me feel.
That blissful light of hope is a word I can't think of.

a lass, perhaps yet new to her field,

I like that line. I like the 'lass' you speak of. I like the worlds 'perhaps' and 'field' together in that line.

and still entwirled in the rush of it,

I feel what I felt. Adrenalin.
I feel like I'm swirling in the drain.

still tending to the daisies and cogon

Daisies was fantastic. Cogon, I confess I had to look up, just to be sure.
Sometimes some words can just look spastic to me.
Cogon, sounds like a fucking poncy word. I don't like it much but now that I know its grass I like it better lol haha
All good.
Chill.

with water and worry.

Nice.

Nice outro. With water and worry. You've left a scope wide open for interpretation and that
window has a limitless view.
Water took me straight to a baptism. Water took me straight to life.
See, that's what nice about poetry.
The taste you're left with after a read that zones you out, and makes you forget you're reading.
Good Stuff Soul.
You suck me into a whirlpool with your elegance and poise in poetry.
With confidence and innocence in words.
With vulnerability.

Great Read.

Thank you.

[Soule]

I liked this. Short and sweet like how poetry used to be. Has a real Twain vibe to it. For some reason I thought about Gone with the Wind when I read this. Not sure why. Just imagined a woman on a field on the hills above her family's old wooden house. It was a smooth feeling for sure. I really liked your wording. Maybe I'm just used to more modern writing but my only complaint is that it seemed to all just run on. I like pauses and build ups, to where this seemed to just go forward on the track without hesitation. Which, again, most poetry used to be like that but I haven't read traditional poetry in years so that could just be my ignorant... modernized opinion. Otherwise, it was a great poem and traditionalists won't have any issues with it. Nonetheless, nom'd.

[Karaoshi]

That's fair feedback. Thanks @Johnny Darko

[ExPoeta]

I really like the first line. The idea of the inconsequential nature of small talk presented as an archetypal polarization of the classic realist usage of the old lady figure rabbiting away about her weekend, or her hair appointment. The second line however breaks the flow of the piece for me. It reverted to actual cliche as opposed to the first line which acted almost as a parody of that worn out literary tradition. You go on to write a beautiful image though! 'rust horizon' made me smile! Great line. The piece has a real grasp of the senses and of color and texture of the landscape around your protagonist. I liked it a lot. Definitely change the second line though