the worst action

[djb]

Crescendos stimulate senses, silhouettes shake simultaneously
I see pain through pained windows distorting a happy monogamy
it still bothers me I stood set like concrete contemplating motion
thinking that this argument was a ripple in the ocean of emotion
they were my neighbors, only known through our lawn greetings
it was nothing major, a small favor set stage for our last meeting
seeing if I could borrow a wrench if I brought it back tomorrow
when a wave of sorrow drown me so I couldn’t even swallow
after I left the horror followed, distraught thoughts clung on me
images of striking shadows got shots infiltrating, they stung somberly
violent escalations should have invited insight into their relations
but I laid dormant like the hope that resides inside AIDS patients
a life lay wasted, disgraced that fear captivated and I couldnt face it
wishing I could tip the hourglass of time in my mind to erase it
I scrambled back home, rambled thoughts attached my every step
that night I wept, and I stayed awake all night as the city slept
I knew a forsaken event took place in that home, what was unknown
8 am I answered a call, listened, found out and dropped the phone
lovers turned to fighters, I saw the worst that you could imagine
she lived suffering for two hours after I left...................
..................................now you know the worst act is no action

This was for the tourney at hiphopscenes.com

[djb]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...12#post3279012
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...94#post3279094

[rile1]

all I can say is wow....this got my attention from about the first 2 sentences. I loved the vocabulary and the story delivered. I jus think this is an awesome piece overall.. like a 214241/10 lol please keep writing and keep using this style, its excellent.-PEACE

[Johnny 6-feet]

Niiiiiiiiiice! As ever Dustin, you impress me with your work and continuing elavation. The level of vocab forced me to read this slowly but i took it all in. A great story with strong imagery and some really interesting plot twists, especially the message at the end of the piece. The rhymes were solid. The only flaw in this piece i saw was that the lines were occasionally overstretched buts thats minor stuff.

Def Poets mu'fukka!!! Keep posting.

[j-loose]

yo that was sicc man, amazing vocab and good description exactly what hip-hop is known for..... creating and teling a story keep up the good work

[djb]

thanks ya'll. uppin for more

[Evil Thug]

Aiight.

Structre was real good. Flow was really good. vocab was da shit and plot was really nice. you might be a big L in da making homie keep up da good shit and something good will hit chu.

[SkullBreaker]

yo that was tigh man keep up the good work aight everything on it was excellent theres nothin to really talk about im lookin forward to seein more of ur drops aight man keep up the good work

[J-Hova]

word they aight nothin to say this shit was tight. Stay Up

[G-Money]

very deep.... nice fuckin mutlis.... i was feeling every one... they were astonishing
( not in a bad way ) one thing i fault u for is it being short which isnt even that bad cuz u managed to keep it very detailed and still made the story great... favorite line
"this argument was a ripple in the ocean of emotion" ... i dont need to tell u that u had good vocab cuz u kno ur capabilites... well nice drop n nice to see that ur still elevating greatly... later


return the favor on my new drop:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240075

[warchild]

I wasnt feeling the first two lines too cryptic and the vocab was overused.
But after the first two bars the piece was nice, the imagery was the most impressive part of the piece it was very dark and descriptive so i was feeling it. Your vocab was used well after the first two bars i thought you were gonna overuse it but you suprised and wrote a very good intersting verse.
The story was told well would make a good audio but it would need another verse for that. The only thing i could criticise was the flow, you obviously know what i mean by flow thats the syllable count. There was no multies in the piece so work on putting some multies in your verses this will make your pieces more complex and they'll sound smoother if you choose to do audios.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240126

[djb]

warchild. i think you may be confused. i appreciate what you said, but i do have multi's in there. maybe not as many as you like, but there are some in there. reguardless thank you for the indepth feed. upping for more

[sILLable]

very nice piece......cant really expect less of a def poets piece...imagery..vocab....wordplay...very intricate.....this peice was lad out very well....the complexity utilized in your rhyme scheme and multis was very impressive..as usual this was a very dope piece...keep droppin tha hottness.~1`

[djb]

thank man. bump

[djb]

up again