Lost

[Lack Focus]

Lost

Through words of war I’m waiting for the Lord to speak to me
We’ve lost sight of him frequently
Through bad reception and awful frequency
Our status is static, stagnant increasingly
The distance between WE and HE
Brings out the beast in ME
Not realizing, hypocrisizing kills me and my beliefs
Lungs allow me to breathe, and make it in the street
Frigid hearts pump ice through our bodies with every rhythmic beat
And every week, when everyone is week, perseverance is key
Of future endeavors is all we ever really speak
We babble over building towers and never yielding power
As we devour needs
Overcome by greed, as our desires peak
Gaining sight and speed until we fall right off our feet
So in order to pull ourselves out of the grave,
We have to scrape our knees
And even start to bleed,
Depending on our faith in He
We’re lost sheep...

[Lack Focus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...0&page=3&pp=15
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=265347


This is one of my favorites. A lil thick.

[pash]

a quick reality check all ma people re vexed messed up
nd wasted ma chests hot am racin from fake cops ma breath stops
when will da threars stop da jakes come nd wave guns why they hate huh?
ah blaze on got paper on me ah know theyll take some
matter of fact theyll take it all or slap cuffs on ma wrist
ma intentions 2 make it ballin got cops on ma dick
now da code on ma street be watch out 4 da snitch
tryna get a grip nd focus on ways of gettin rich
no matter what ama survive livin wild
tryna tell it 2 these niggas yow ama war child

[.:Tsunami:.]

^^^dont listen to him..
it was alrite needs help wit Flow
thats all ony a lil but and Wordplay
work on those you'll be iight
5/10

[-IsIs-]

this piece was ok. the flow was pretty decent for the most part. and the structure was also pretty even. the topic was alright and your consistency came pretty thouroughly throughout the piece..theres a little bit you gotta work on though. the vocab grab need some new words b. and the imagery pretty simple descriptions in the lines.

check out The Realest. gettin slept on.

[status_unknown]

The end was cool.. I sorta know what you are trying to put accross, but i'm struggling to put that into words.. It's a feeling. At the beginning i thought you were gonna write about something simplistic. But whatever.. doesn't matter either way. Yeah, this was a good read.. some of the metaphors i couldn't quite figure out and were either too loose or im taking it too literal.. Which usually happens in poetry/open mic ish' anyway. I'd be interested to know your intentions... Keep up man. Pz

[Lack Focus]

alright...

Just because you don't understand the wordplay doesnt mean there isn't any. There are multiple allusions in this verse, they just hit way below surface. As for the vocab, sometimes I like to K.I.S.S. my verses.

Thanks for peeping though

Respect

[The Vortex]

yea yo pretty nice.. had good poetic qualities and emotions... for an om it could have say a lil more consistancy in the flow, like with those way shorter lines which seemed to cause a pause, ... good rhyming skills fosho

So in order to pull ourselves out of the grave,
We have to scrap our knees
And even start to bleed,
Depending on our faith in He
We’re lost sheep...

good

[B.I.Detained.]

Well this is really slept on. Biggest asset right away is your internals/multis.
They aren't used just for the sake of it. The flow was tight and you gave a
good account of the topic you were writing too. The content was cool
and the take on it was different from what I've read before. Your piece
was more a sight into your realtionship with god rather than us as a group.
It was brought out in you venting. Props and tryout in Po'Ethics.

-Brix.

[Lack Focus]

Thanks for the comments.