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Thread: Opposite Worlds

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Opposite Worlds



    I squint into the sunlight,
    while a smile breaks upon my face
    The shine of grace, beats on me
    as my heart quickens it’s pace
    I seat myself, on the dampened grass
    And laugh, at my amazing life
    As high as a kite, my heart jumps for joy
    Never once, have I experienced strife
    My eyes water, every thing else is irrelevant
    like an elephant, I will never forget this moment

    I lie on this barren sidewalk
    I talk, to myself now and again
    The pain, shoots through my vain
    Heroin and cocaine, are my comforters
    90 kilometres, from the restricted village
    Like an oil spillage, I’m blamed for polluting
    The brains, of children, with my games
    I just wanted some fun, not a local uproar
    My poor, mother was left wondering why
    I, made her cry….I wish I was with her


    I walk hand in hand, with mother nature
    Not a single hater, among this crowd
    So loud, yet so peaceful and sedated
    Painted upon faces, are smiles
    For miles, we stroll in the sunlight
    And some might, say we’re rebels
    With pebbles, around our necks and wrists
    Kissed by beauty, we embrace the taste
    Of summer, with our arms open wide
    Tonight, we will dine, with natural beauty

    Oh what I would give, to see her again
    It’s been ten, long years
    My tears, form a puddle, mixed with mud
    My blood, has stained my clothes, and my soul
    The hole, in my heart weeps in vain
    The pain, I gain, from this hell on earth
    This turf, has crumbled into my shoe
    And the dirt in my face, hides the pink
    I take a drink, then lie on the street
    If I die in my sleep, I will be joyous


    That night, the hippy over dosed on drugs and died
    They left him for dead, and ran away

    The next day, the truth about the outcast came out
    He has been proven innocent, and is now a millionaire
    Last edited by Witty; May 4th, 2006 at 02:01 PM

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  2. #2
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Last edited by Witty; May 4th, 2006 at 02:08 PM

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  3. #3
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    feed please

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  4. #4
    Banned Ben A. Newly-Rayped's Avatar
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    damm nice piece i really liked this drop it was real dope
    this had some really good flow that wasent off at all
    tha wordplay was really nice it all fit in good lol
    ur vocab was pretty dam good u had some nice choice of words
    Strutre was ok u couldve made some lines longerand thru in a good font it wouldve made it look nicer lol
    some lines were meh kinda off but thats alright
    ur topic was really good i was feelin tha topic it was soo good and i liked tha way u kept on topic thru tha whole peice
    could u plz hit up tha oms in my sig
    and keep up tha dope ness

  5. #5
    40 Cal. Ripken
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    weird rhyme scheme but it was felt. more of a poetry piece to me. still a slick piece.

    Oh what I would give, to see her again
    It’s been ten, long years
    My tears, form a puddle, mixed with mud
    My blood, has stained my clothes, and my soul
    The hole, in my heart weeps in vain
    The pain, I gain, from this hell on earth
    This turf, has crumbled into my shoe
    And the dirt in my face, hides the pink
    I take a drink, then lie on the street
    If I die in my sleep, I will be joyous

    ^ that whole stanza was tight. good imagery throughout. keep dropping dood.
    1/2 of The Hearty Boys

  6. #6
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks for the feed people

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  7. #7
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    uppin

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  8. #8
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  9. #9
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    please don't sleep on this

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  10. #10
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    yes, should not be slept on at all. i liked this, lots of qoutables indeed. some kids might look at this and say "poetic scripture" type.. but i what i most enjoyed about this peice was the uniqe rhyme scheme. yes, a poetic type.. but you may post it wherever the fuck you want. deep concepts here, some kids might not get it.. some might. one thing tho, work on using a bigger vocabulary, your 15.. im sure u can talk more maturely than a 7th grader. all in all, good peice. keep it up.

  11. #11
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks for the feed

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  12. #12
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    I lie on this barren sidewalk
    I talk, to myself now and again
    The pain, shoots through my vain
    Heroin and cocaine, are my comforters
    90 kilometres, from the restricted village
    Like an oil spillage, I’m blamed for polluting
    The brains, of children, with my games
    I just wanted some fun, not a local uproar
    My poor, mother was left wondering why
    I, made her cry….I wish I was with her
    Dope Imagery, Favorite stanza!

    All in all this was a pretty good piece man but I agree with the other dude, it felt more like poetry to me. You're vocab was on point all the way through, You really know how to paint pictures with you're words. The topic was unique and well dipicted al though I think you could have maybe some more emotion. It was there but I think you could have connected with the charecters more. Structure was real good and flow was on point. Good drop
    Last edited by ...Dusk2Dawn...; May 14th, 2006 at 10:04 PM

  14. #14
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks dude,post a link if you want me to return the favour

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