Summer Breeze Written By: ELEETE

[ELEETE]

Summer Breeze
Written By: ELEETE

I walk a desolate road stuck on many summers ago...
Where the moon shines bright an my mental stumbles alone...
Humble an grown, I'm prone to crumble the stones...
Underneath my steps...until I find the com-fort o' my home...
I remember a time, where the thought of only you existed...
Though you chose to miss it, the thought of you persisted...
Continuing to take over my existence...
It was there, an now its gone, I never chose to fix it...
I never took the pieces in-order to rearrange it...
An what's more than strange is...I never chose to change it...
Certain acquiantances, no, I never chose to blame it...
Fate had it in our Play's script, but the conclusion ain't this...
But they say that one day, it'll all make sense...
All the pain, stress,...rage an all this hatred...
Tears fill my eyes daily from the days spent...
Crippled on the pavement, waitin' for your statement...
Sometimes it seems fake, the memories begin to fade...
Did we really happen? Did we really change?...
Were you ever really there? Was I ever really sane?
I guess the extent of my imagination, is what I became...
Now I can't even see what's in front of me...
Walkin' along the darkness of a summer's eve...
Black is all around and under me...
Dead amongst the birds and trees blowing in a summer breeze...


An no matter where I go I always see you there...
It's like a constant haunting of beauty's simple glare...
As my mind begins to tear, I feel my own despair...
He is I, an I am him, and I'm no longer there...
I no longer wear, a single mark of happiness...
This pain's too egotistical to care what happens next...
Though a thousand words pace my head, the things I havent said...
An I ain't havin' it, I have to have it vent...
I need release, I'm feeling torn at the seams...
Looking for a means, to find pur-pose to my dreams...
Save me from these things, I wish to be redeemed...
Save me from the screams, the things that arent always what they seem...
Sittin in the cold, starin' through an open window...
My life stands still, it seems so uneventful...
My friends tell me to move on, but it ain't that simple...
Without you in this life there ain't that much to live fo'...
I still can't see what's in front of me...
Walkin' along the darkness of a summer's eve...
Black is all around and under me...
Dead amongst the birds and trees blowing in a summer breeze...


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291682
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291680

[Data-Ntry]

I need release, I'm feeling torn at the seams...
Looking for a means, to find pur-pose to my dreams...
Save me from these things, I wish to be redeemed...
Save me from the screams, the things that arent always what they seem...

NOW THAT'S HOT SHIT KID.... I REALLY LIKED THIS PIECE..IT FLOWED WELL THE STRUCTURE WAS KRAZY...IMAGERY WAS ON POINT....AT SOME POINTS I GOT TEARY EYED GOING SO DEEP AS TO PLACING MY SELF IN THE POSITION OF THE WRITER..GOOD SPIT NIGGA WITH SHIT LIKE THAT THERE IS NO NEED FOR ELEVATION.......STAY UP

...

[Tony Brown]

But they say that one day, it'll all make sense...
All the pain, stress,...rage an all this hatred...
Tears fill my eyes daily from the days spent...
Crippled on the pavement, waitin' for your statement...
Sometimes it seems fake, the memories begin to fade...
Did we really happen? Did we really change?...
Were you ever really there? Was I ever really sane?
I guess the extent of my imagination, is what I became...

very nice. what really stood out was your multie usage but sometimes i think your search for multies caused you to stray away from the topic in certain places. It started off very nicely, good references, emotion, flow, etc. but near the middle of the second stanza your verse seemed to fall off. not too much thought, just slightly. to tell the truth, i didn't really get too much imagery out of this though i don't think that was the point of the OM. i think you were just writing in words what you were thinking in your head and if so, then you did a good job with that.

[ELEETE]

Thanks yo, uppin...

[soulstice.]

welcome back... ive heard of ya, but never seen your work, anyway

dope piece, great mechanics, multies were pretty much good the entire piece, flow was nice, although one line seemed a bit forced, and the rhyme scheme was nice too, it worked very well the inners you had in there, overall tight piece, ill look up more from you

[Syk.iLL]

I guess this is a love poem ish, yes I said ish. Because I see there are many types of these around but thats okay. I mean your rhyme was consistne t and you had great flow. Also your piece was poetic but not convoluted. Check. The piece had a nice emotion in it as well as good imagery to top it off. I'd just like to see a better topic choice. Other than that this is great.

[Kid-Critical]

wow this had alot of emtional feel
real good sense of imagery
i didnt really like da rhyme skeme do
^could do a lil better on dat

it flow good it would have been great if u centered it
good topic also evne tho its a lil played homie

~1~ stay up

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...46#post4446746
^return da favor hit this one up 4 me

[ELEETE]

Thank you all...This is piece is actually a sum of my emotions all at once like someone pointed out, so the piece seems like it stands still stuck on emotions but thanks all, i appreciate it...

[D-Generation]

Good flow an structure on this piece dawg. Some of it came across a lil played but all in all this was good shit!

Safe!

[Big C.]

hey homie...i liked diss alot! i was feelin the flow throughout...nice smooth read.....rhymes were good overall...nice multies here and there..topic was nice and different..something new to read.....overall i really liked this man....keep it up...