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Thread: Second Coming

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! I Am Unreal.'s Avatar
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    Second Coming

    Second Coming


    Regular – First Coming
    Italics – Second Coming

    I was conceived on the eve of indecision,
    With the world unfurling like a pin-less cushion
    There was chaos and pain,
    Deranged killers, torture and rape
    Corruption; insane, people being slain
    By the hands of the kind that I came to save

    I was a slave to the world
    Engraved in the brains of all things to hate
    I gave victims a chance to relate
    To all the rareness that made them great
    Fate led me here; it’s where I stand
    Holding your life in the palm of my hand


    I watched the world pass me by
    Doves learned to love, learned to fly
    I gave sight to the blind
    I was aesthetic to the apathetic mind
    People loved me; I was king in my head
    I even raised the dead to bow by their beds

    I shed but a tear for those men
    As I led my people to put them under again
    They listen to me, the works that I speak
    Don’t have to justify the things that I seek
    I prayed for the weak, but I was betrayed
    So I gave all my pain to the people I saved


    I carried the burden up a mountain
    Felt the accusing eyes
    I was, tossed aside as I prayed to God
    And I, thought about life…
    As my palms were nailed to the cross
    I thought of what could be, not what was lost

    I’m back with a cause,
    To remind the world of the hate and suffer;
    How I tried to guide, and how they held me under
    Now I’ve risen again, and there’s nothing to do
    Call me Hitler, new king of the Jews
    Back to reclaim this crown of thorns
    Reborn;


    Now Nobody knows if I’ll ascend or descend
    but I’ll avenge my deaths and be here to the end.


    Regular – Jesus
    Italics – Hitler

    *This is a piece regarding the Jew's betrayal of Christ, and Jesus returning as Hitler to claim revenge and avenge his death.


    Twixn - Shift Life.
    Anov L. Idea - The Deepest Hole in the Universe
    Last edited by I Am Unreal.; May 19th, 2006 at 11:45 PM
    On the wings of maybe..

  2. #2
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    this was a pretty good piece
    it had alot of emtional feel to it
    what i liked best about this piece was da flow
    it flowed really well

  3. #3
    it was good u got big words that makes ur message more powerful so keep that up and the flow was nice

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! chitown_mex11's Avatar
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    yeah it was a good drop, like dark shadow said, the flow was dope thatz also my favorite part of it, and the structure was also good
    the vocab you used was good too, the only thing i didnt like was the topic but dont trip i aint hatin', it just wasnt my type of thing you know? but anyway the image you gave was also so good~l8erz

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! I Am Unreal.'s Avatar
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    i posted this piece on rv... 3 weeks with 1 feedback.. wow.
    On the wings of maybe..

  6. #6
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    It was good. topic was alright.
    flow was nice.rhymes were good
    nice emotion throughout.
    overall this was good.

  7. #7
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    thanks...................
    On the wings of maybe..

  8. #8
    This Piece Was Crazy On The Metaphorical Tip..
    I Liked It A Lot, Its Not Really My Topic Of Choice
    Either, But You Made Me Like It Cuz It Was Dope..
    I Read It Once, Got To The End, And Read It Again
    Know Who Was Who, And All I Can Say Is This.. Dope.
    PM Me For Collabs..

    Please Leave Replies,
    I'll Return The Favor..


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    Ea$y..

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! I Am Unreal.'s Avatar
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    up'n for feed....
    On the wings of maybe..

  10. #10
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    blah last up.........................
    On the wings of maybe..

  11. #11
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    I liked this piece allot man. i wont quote anything because all of it was dope. the emotion present within was good and i think that you carried the story well with good use of structure.. the structure of telling the story from 2 points of views? if thats what it is was nice.. the use of hitler as jesus's ressurection is new to me.. and most likely to other people. nice vocab as well.. nice topic good drop.

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  12. #12
     
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    Good read. Metas were dope, structure and flow was dope. I think the creativity was what made me want to keep reading. Overall a good drop.
    lyricalz finest

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