My Thoughts Undedicated

[P. Mortuus]

My Thoughts undedicated

My View isn’t Your View

A can of mysteries withholds in it collective centuries
Of information of a nation that shuns democracies
Hypocrisies build a leper from a Mr. Olympia candidate
The hate was used to state quotes of a King now late
And twist them to form devilish business so simple
Like the cute dimple can be twisted to an ugly pimple
Hapless productions produced many tales of Arabian nights
Gallant knights crowned Galahad with thorns and tights
Plus the swearing motion claimed devotion from the young
Pronounced by incipient tongues to replace typical bums
Gums made by intestines of pigs protrude out your mouth
In your house you house mental occupants, run down south
South central laughs, as I swim through waves of hostility
Should I wrap this rap, play ball & make it a rubbish history

Hey Listen! I have a Rant!

Doctor Doctor! The patient is dying, he learned the truth
Whilst eating Big Mac in the booth he corroded another tooth
Sooth, fragrances will manage to sooth the man, it’s a plan
To burn before age a mental cage, please refresh your page
Press F5 on your board and surf the pixels of information
See gyrations of women who berate then join the population
Of cyber fools with cyber tools, to break in to cyber schools
And steal cyber foods or cyber stools how about cyber duels
You call it rap I call it melody of brothers in shit, see not literally
I mean that wouldn’t be humour, count me in I want your tumour
Your pain is my pain your happiness though is yours, on all fours
I see lies galore, you want fake shit ask I’ll bring you more to store
Now you’re bored like the damp board I pissed on and floored

Let my ends meet

See myself smear fragile glasses with unseen demons that laugh
As I barf the vomit comes out like shores of creatures escaping
Gaping holes bring wholesome delight to a catastrophic fool
It’s cool so I’ll act an educated idiot who loves his food, Dude
Is that enough of an accent or should I stereotype myself more
So I’ll fit your description and the inscription of medicine can be bought
I see no win now that you placed your cross and I displaced my nought

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307884
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...51#post5091351

[P. Mortuus]

Leave links.

[P. Mortuus]

Last up for the night.

[Client]

Yea this was REAL good. Your flow was really great, all your syllable counts and transitions were great. The whole idea of this piece was dope and the content was great.

And twist them to form devilish business so simple
Like the cute dimple can be twisted to an ugly pimple

Sooth, fragrances will manage to sooth the man, it’s a plan
To burn before age a mental cage, please refresh your page
Press F5 on your board and surf the pixels of information
See gyrations of women who berate then join the population
You call it rap I call it melody of brothers in shit, see not literally
I mean that wouldn’t be humour, count me in I want your tumour

The second verse was a rant but shit I like it. I found it somewhat humorus for some reason. The whole third verse was great. Shit I liked the whole thing. The vocabulary was great, you didn't over due it but still used a broad range of vocab. Yea so I'll nominate this now, this is the first piece I ever nominated. Good job

[P. Mortuus]

I appreciate that and thanks for the nom, more than that i'm happy that you enjoyed this.

[The Vortex]

had sum coo wordplays f'sho. which brought certain lines to life........ flow seemed pretty cool as well...... had quite a good mixture of rhyme combinations.....
format was used nicely...... a few somewhat forced rhymes which i guess work in some sense neway... delivery was dopish......... just a few somewhat over-worded lines which cut the clarity of flow a lil. concept was dealt w/ nicely by flippin it on its head. all in all a nice dopish package

hit this new link -u p yeah

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308223

[Atti]

The flow was cool, and the concept of the piece was nice but it seems like your wording was alittle off due to the strive to continue the rhyme scheme that you were using. The overall message and stuff was nice, it was just that nothing really stood out or grabbed me into read. It was more of a lecture than an engadging arguement you know? Again, I think it was just because of the tense and approach you used. I mean, nice piece by most standards but for you, I know you could do better.

If you could...
'The Central Artery'

[Masta Shake]

That was a pretty good peice.I liked it alot,the flow was perfect,vocab was great,word length was good,structure was amazing.Overall,9/10

[MISTA GRIM]

wow...
pak still doin it strong. I loved ya wordplay and metaphors. You had everything, nothing bad to say. Stay up.

~1~

[P. Mortuus]

Sup Grim, how it going...................Yeah thanks everyone, i'll hit up the links give me a second.

[P. Mortuus]

Checked all provided links.

[P. Mortuus]

Last up for the night^

[Engivale]

I wasn't as into this as some of your other stuff, but you still did a good job writing it. I think you'll probably think much the same of the lyric I'm posting up tonight, it's just all over the damned place, but that's kind of what I was going for, I never tend to stay on a single topic anyways, and I've come to grips with that.

What I really like was the first and third verses, here, your second verse just sort of seemed to get more stagnant with the flow to me. I think it was exactly what you said it was, a rant, so you didn't really try to make sure it was perfect, you just wrote it out and that's cool, I can appreciate that. But a little editing could have maybe made that a little cleaner... but then I suppose it wouldn't be as much of a rant, now, would it? Anyways, being the rhythm guy that I am, that's the only part I found lacking. The rest was very sound and a good read.

Although, you do have a little me against the world thing goin on in a lot of your writing lately. And you've been writing A LOT. Which usually means you're pretty holed up and pissed about something or another... so... get happy, dude.

=D

[Spoken]

I wasn't as into this as some of your other stuff, but you still did a good job writing it. I think you'll probably think much the same of the lyric I'm posting up tonight, it's just all over the damned place, but that's kind of what I was going for, I never tend to stay on a single topic anyways, and I've come to grips with that.

What I really like was the first and third verses, here, your second verse just sort of seemed to get more stagnant with the flow to me. I think it was exactly what you said it was, a rant, so you didn't really try to make sure it was perfect, you just wrote it out and that's cool, I can appreciate that. But a little editing could have maybe made that a little cleaner... but then I suppose it wouldn't be as much of a rant, now, would it? Anyways, being the rhythm guy that I am, that's the only part I found lacking. The rest was very sound and a good read.

Although, you do have a little me against the world thing goin on in a lot of your writing lately. And you've been writing A LOT. Which usually means you're pretty holed up and pissed about something or another... so... get happy, dude.

=D

somewhat in a way how i was feeling partially in this piece when i was reading....though i say a nice read as usual i just felt like you didnt really focus on the crowd getting emotion and content but you did a superb job on flow and vocab which is really a good strong point all together still....

Your first
A can of mysteries withholds in it collective centuries
Of information of a nation that shuns democracies
Hypocrisies build a leper from a Mr. Olympia candidate
The hate was used to state quotes of a King now late
And twist them to form devilish business so simple
Like the cute dimple can be twisted to an ugly pimple
Hapless productions produced many tales of Arabian nights
Gallant knights crowned Galahad with thorns and tights
Plus the swearing motion claimed devotion from the young
Pronounced by incipient tongues to replace typical bums
Gums made by intestines of pigs protrude out your mouth
In your house you house mental occupants, run down south
South central laughs, as I swim through waves of hostility
Should I wrap this rap, play ball & make it a rubbish history

AND third
See myself smear fragile glasses with unseen demons that laugh
As I barf the vomit comes out like shores of creatures escaping
Gaping holes bring wholesome delight to a catastrophic fool
It’s cool so I’ll act an educated idiot who loves his food, Dude
Is that enough of an accent or should I stereotype myself more
So I’ll fit your description and the inscription of medicine can be bought
I see no win now that you placed your cross and I displaced my nought
^^
was actually the real verse if i may say so...the second verse was ok but it still was touching me as just fillers and stagnants....though i aint taking anything away from you at all...real pleasant and enjoyable read.....real fascinated though by your vision and feeling you had incorparated into this drop really a nice read!...

RTF if ya con or so ...links in my sig