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Thread: A Point Of View; Im An RB Member

  1. #1
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    A Point Of View; Im An RB Member

    E! True Hollywood Stories: The Rap Game
    Defly Unheard
    ___________________________

    A Point Of View; Im An RB Member


    Characters:
    The Front Liner
    The Elevated
    The Elite
    The Vet




    The Front Liner:
    Wow, this site is so large....there's no way i can gain respect
    200 posts? Man i won't even try to bother against this vet
    I try my best...and still get clowned for something never taught
    Forever lost, some help from the big guys is all i ever sought
    Caught in the contempt of shittalkers and dickryders...no escape
    Gimme a break, the vets act like they've never made my mistakes
    Piece of cake, all i gotta do is get more posts and gain a record
    Votin on my friends battles and leavin links..isnt a guilty pleasure
    Satisfaction measured in feet, when i hope the day to make elite
    I'm weak and stuck here in the FL....and i still can barely compete
    So many battles, i'm not even sure if mine has room to breathe
    This all i got? will anybody help....this can't possibly be my peak


    Announcer:
    Why hate...when u used to be in his position? Somethings missin..
    Is there a reason for constant dissin? Help was his only mission..
    Yet u cant help to see......that u want to look like a big shot..
    Yeah...well to them....*looks down at pants* u look like this cock..
    You can't hold the top spot forever, time to hop off the stand..
    And help a man.....................who isnt even able to....^^^^^..



    The Elevated:
    This is it, i'm halfway there....i've finally made it to the elevated!
    Notice my skill has risen, ...although it's still too often debated
    Sedated, caught in slept battles....how am I to gain recognition?
    How is this guy beating me? Have i lost skills or just attention
    Funny how all his other friends vote for him and hate on my verse
    And whats worse, Is everybody knows i left this guy merked
    Lost in a shower of confusion, was my verse as bad as they say?
    Or to my dismay, are they voting just to try to get others to sway
    Do i need to change my style.....or just completely change myself
    I can't tell, I feel like i'm in the FL again.....will anybody help???
    No! I'm stuck in confusion...one minute i'm good....next i suck
    But with this guy...dickryders run amuck.....wow...just my luck...


    Announcer:
    Poor guys' stuck in the lost land of being good and being horrid..
    Torment? Yes it is, and the hate just grows to a point of boring..
    Nobody can help this guy get better...they just diss and hate..
    Until his feelings dissipate, and u make him think his hits are fake??
    He's a timebomb with a lit fuse...and let me state what is true..
    Give credit where credit is due......that's how it happened to you..



    The Elite:
    Ever since my first day at RB....i didnt believe I could make elite
    My circle is almost complete and a little recognition is what i need
    Wow...this forum is more slept on than the Elevated...shits lame
    How did the Vets get fame?? What did they do special in their name
    I've worked hard...and tried my best through thick and thin......
    Still got people talking shit to me...like their constant pricks within
    Some seem to act like they are coo with me...but i figure it wrong
    Cuz when it comes to a higher power, they love to get boned
    Been here so long....but i will still try to satisfy with every line
    Yet every time i adjust to their standards...its still a wack rhyme?
    Maybe its me again....what is it that i do wrong..y am i not a vet
    Im getting arrogant in some ways...but my past i wont forget


    Announcer:
    Getting arrogant....the balance of his lyrics is starting to unfold..
    What isnt told....is his past was wack....he used to lack flows..
    Yet he still remains the same....wondering y he isnt accepted a Vet..
    He's a wreck, not sure y his skills are still dissed...then u accept..
    Except....his frustration is constantly tested......wait a second..
    What did u do to get blessed in? Is what he constantly questions..



    The Vet:
    Here iam...in my prime.....i can run around and talk shit anytime
    I find that i own this site....it's all about me, myself, I, and mine
    Exclude herbs, and diss others lower than me in elevated and elite
    I control everything, there isnt a single emcee that i cannot beat
    Maybe because i'm a mod...Nahhhh...this site has no dickryding
    Although....when i first entered this place....it was a constant belief
    I'm relieved to know that i finally have everything dope in each line
    No way i'm overrated, although i can drop the weakest rhyme
    And a pile of votes come in as a row of MINE...their fucking blind
    Nobody will ever take my place...I'm here to boast and drop flows
    And stop those who even try to make it up here with me, haha on hold
    Constantly bicker and get everyone to hate them if they oppose


    Announcer:
    This kids sprouted from herb to vet........and he seems to forget..
    He was the one in the FL who was needing help and constantly slept..
    Nobody paid him no mind......until he became a Mod now he's God..
    Everybody who walks across his path...is dissed and then forgot..
    He's turned from beggar to prick.....and just thinks he's the pure shit..
    Yet he still seems to forget......that he was once on the wack list..



    In Essence:
    You can hate on this....but its the truth....alot may hate...alot may agree......but the message of this....don't EVER hold anybody back...because you disagree with how far their skill limit goes...help them....or ignore them....i've seen a bit of this in LLL, Elite, Elevated, and Front Lines....people getting rode and losing battles they rightfully won....and when it comes to me....you judge my name?!?!...yet...that is the reason most people have fallen to me...dont ever judge an emcee by his name.....or if he's the biggest herb on the site...for when he gets his skill...just like you had to....he will be waiting to battle you...


    Special Thanks:
    The Realist...name suits you
    Trapt Wit...keep up with what you do
    Lethargic...appreciate all the help you have given me in elevation and tips
    I.J.L...still alive...for three long years...
    Baron Mynd...inspiring me for this Open Mic
    Ryan...keepin it real with me...and being with me the whole time....we've elevated together...as you say

    Honarable Mentions:
    Acro Nim...the best Open Mic crew i've seen in ages
    Wits End...no hate to you...you were my first crew
    ~HoTTie~...sorry for the mother line..
    COM...i hate you..lol
    FuE-xIoN...letting me know that even if we are the same..for some reason you are better than me
    N LitEnd...for being my first ever LLL battle....and helping me get to an good point in battling skills
    The End...even though i have never spoken to you..you run the site at your best...and dont see what i do...good job
    KoNcEpT...stay cool.....2-0...hoe
    Emerge...for being a straight up asshole....yet staying cool and giving me honest opinions



    This is a consideration to retirement....not sure...i've been at this since 01'.....and kept the same name...and same characteristics....but some of you kats just can't let the fact go...that i'm better than you thought...and you proved that to me when i posted as Fuexion..

    peace
    Last edited by SmokaJoka; February 28th, 2004 at 03:38 AM

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  2. #2
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    i would also appreciate it.....if Credz, Edicius, Maven, or N-Demik will get rid of the posts by kids who make 1 line replies like "this was great, keep up the good work!"...

    peace

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  3. #3
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Break Down:

    Front Liner:

    Nice piece I guess that how yu feel about it was worded very well.
    definitly made a lot of sense. Hit strong and is the truth...
    FL full of bs.


    Announcer:

    Nicely done...made sense once again.. The truth hurts and peeps
    reading this will feel it.

    Your last two lines on this part was nicely constructed.

    The Elevated:

    "This is it, i'm halfway there....i've finally made it to the elevated!
    Notice my skill has risen, ...although it's still too often debated
    Sedated, caught in slept battles....how am I to gain recognition?
    How is this guy beating me? Have i lost skills or just attention
    Funny how all his other friends vote for him and hate on my verse
    And whats worse, Is everybody knows i left this guy merked"
    Very deep nice and true line once again consistent with this..Hard hitting.

    Announcer:
    Nice short verse coming at them again.

    The Elite:
    "Yet every time i adjust to their standards...its still a wack rhyme?
    Maybe its me again....what is it that i do wrong..y am i not a vet
    Im getting arrogant in some ways...but my past i wont forget"
    Nice verse and more truth. Funny you writing ish that I been wanting to say

    Announcer:
    Nice on explaning or asking the question in this verse on how someone got in

    The vet:
    Very deep true verse Half these kats on this site will just deny this verse or the whole
    piece...Kats on here are 90% fake...Nice verse and garbage..

    Announcer:
    Again nice break down of the truth...like I said internet heads equal 90% fake..
    gotta expect this ish.. Thinking they are iLL because they are mods.. lmao
    their ignorance clouds their vision that they are whack...

    In Essence:
    Just another dope verse...and truth

    You posted as Fuexion wow never knew that lol...

    Dope piece Smoka.. I hope you don't reitire... Man...
    IJL for life...

  4. #4
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    appreciate the indepth reply Bio....

    peace

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  5. #5
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    this piece was right on the money...it captured exactly how RB is for the different levels of people on here...i like how you didn't just do it from your aspect but from the aspect of all skill levels...you showed great imagery through different p.o.v.'s and also showed the struggle for someone on the come up. i think people will definitely not hate on this piece bro, they will be able to relate to one of the verses completely...i especially liked the elite and vet verses, think it captured the mentality of that class very well...all in all this was a nice, very well written piece Smoka, it has definitely been one of my favorite all time RB reads because it's something that every can apply and relate to...way to take a fairly difficult topic and cover all the bases very well.

  6. #6
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    WoW!, good job on this piece, seriously, it shows everything about everyone on this site, everyone of us on this site is the same in some way, and thats how we're all the same, by coming on this site being a newb, staying on it, and elevating, and then reaching that status were other poeple are basically just "Pussy to battle u". But like diverse said, "this was right on the money", and good job for that.

  7. #7
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    Nice drop Smoka...

    First OM of yours ive seen... Hmm... Interesting topic... The announcer part after each real verse was pretty good... Basically summarising the verses up... Nice...

    Maybe a little long overall... But it had some nice content...

    Vocabulary... Needs some work to be honest
    Structure... Was iight... Nice and consistent
    Creativity... Nice and original topic (ive not read anything like it before but <--- that may not be that original)
    Imagery... Hmm... Not much of it to be honest... Needs some work... Vocabulary will help...

    Overall... A nice drop... Nice topic... You did it justice...

    Keep dropping... And check your topical callout in EFL... ...

    Pz...

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  8. #8
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Flow was nice - you had some complexity - just for your style it seemed a tad long - I think if you had collaborated with someone on this to get a little switch up - or done it yourself in the "Announcer" parts it would've helped. Vocab was adequate - nothing special but satisfactory. All the ideas were ones I've seen before but you did a very nice job of putting them all together in one piece. As mentioned above you really seemed to show things from each classes perspective. Nice piece overall. Hit my Lamentations if you can.

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    I'm dead.


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    Hence Forward

  9. #9
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    all of this is 100% me....appreciate the replies...and i'll check yours ^ in a bit..

    peace

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  10. #10
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    nice work right here. I loved the concept of the Announcer and the second party.. it was great. Flowed well and i had no trouble keeping up with it... Structure was a bit choppy but ahh didnt take much away. The piece itself brought out the truth about RB as we all see it. Your words hit the spot from the FL battler to the Vet ... It ecsacly how it is. You got your message through to the reader and with that this is a very good piece 8,5/10 . Peace.

  11. #11
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    uppin..

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  12. #12
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmokaJoka666
    This is a consideration to retirement....


    Overall this was real dope...not many people could have pulled this off...for the simple fact that not a lot of people have been through all these stages yet...It was kinda cool to read these and try and figure out what stage I am in...This is the first Open Mic I've seen you drop and it was one of the best I have ever read. The Point of Views were all on target...the Announcer was a good way to voice a 3rd opinion...I really felt this...Especially about the parts where you say people vote for friends and vote based on status as that has happened to me...I can see where your coming from and see what you said clearly...Not exactly imagry...but empathy maybe? I dunno...But I can honestly say this was a dope piece and I enjoyed the read...

    Things to work on...Umm..hard to say....maybe up your vocab a bit...Otherwise flow, feeling, creativity...I thought it was all there...Proud to have you as my crew leader.
    A few achievements here and there

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  13. #13
    I'm Only Here 4 ME Fuck U TheUnderRated's Avatar
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    Word this is how it is....all you haters know this should be nominated for legends or open mic of the month or whatever so lets see some real feedback you think this is nomination worthy i do....but i don't really count let em know man.,,
    INSANE JOKA LYRICIST

  14. #14
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    wow first OM drop? thats a suprise i woulda assumed u do this a lot...

    like the way u used the dif points of veiw on the elevation scale an then tied em all together usin taht announcer....

    had great flow an stuk up on topic... i dun reply to these much cuz i neva kno what to really say lol but the only thin i thougght coulda used some work was to up ur vocab within the drop *shrugs* but good lookin familia

  15. #15
    Super Spic, w00t! Emerge's Avatar
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    well this was a hell of a read...literally lol

    nice shit...flow was constant for the most part..
    concept was well done and executed...liked how
    you went in each part of it....it was cool and shit...
    IM A NICE GUY!!!
    anyway....i doubt you will leave...or maybe i just
    dont want you to leave...i mean what would
    RB be like without the smokester around???

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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