10-30 Lines
Normal Rules
Due Friday - 11:59pm Eastern Time
Topic - Lose It
10-30 Lines
Normal Rules
Due Friday - 11:59pm Eastern Time
Topic - Lose It
Merkin Tushy's!!
checking in ..........
............................g'luck
Merkin Tushy's!!
Check
Lose It
My mind is full of all this sympathetic bullshit
as i sit hear and wonder where my soul fits
my heart remains saddened and empty
when it comes to family i use to have plenty
but none exist to me anymore
no more family reunions as there were before
i cant take it, ive been alone for so many years
ever since my parents died ive shed so many tears
my older brother is in state prison for murder
his girl cheated on him, i told him not to hurt her
because they're shall be consequences
but he never listened, did not come to his senses
and one by one there my family went
i hate them i swear, every word i said i ment
how could they do this to me, im scared
on most nights i set in my yard, wondering why i care
about my life anymore, i should just kill myself
why should i care if my family didn't about my health
they never thought about what might happen to me
they just gave up so quikly on life, i cant believe
im related to these poor hearted loosers it's tareing at my mind
im going crazy, throwing shit everywhere, every minute, and day, all the time
you must understand its hard to grow fond of my family, its hard
they should of stuck around in my life, my talents could of went far
but its all over now im loosing it, i must say
after this letter you will not hear from me another day
im so gone off, in my head things go crazy they twirl
i cannot take it, so im off to see my family....
..........off in another world
AI
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Sorry Kaotic, I'll drop first thing tomorrow.
Thanks for givin me a quick extension.
no problem
AI
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12 years of friendship, and damn - Golden it has been
We've made it through rough times, thick and thin
And again, you've always been my bestest friend
Your family is my family, mine is yours...
.... Always has been, and always will - From beginnin to end
I know times are hard for you, but just know i'm there
Your dad recently passed, & you're right - it just isn't fair
I swear, your dad was more of a dad to me then mine
Just like you, he was there for me at any place and any time
In any way of any kind, but either way - his death was a tragedy
Cancer took him slowly, but yet again - he got to die happily
He was here long enough to see his family grow over the years
And you know as I know... he wouldn't want us here cryin in tears
It had to come sooner or later, and of course - we all knew it
He's off in a better place now, so theres no reason to lose it
So don't do it, calm down - and lets celebrate in memory of him
It'll all work out later on, even though right now.. life is presently dim
Up 1
upin number 1
AI
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This was really nice..
Kinda sucks there's gotta be one winner but..
Breakdown-
First off, when I evaluate topicals, I read both verses before
I peep what the topic is.. to see if I can figure it out through
the writing.. with that being said..
Both of you guys gave a real awesome description of your
topic and the story you were aiming for. The best thing about
this battle was you both went at it a different way.. Kaotic
went for the usual death ending, while Tic reversed and did
the opposite, giving it a positive outlook - which really appealed
to me. You both were even with imagery, wasnt the strongest..
and as far as vocab, it was sorta even, maybe a lil towards
Kaotic.
Best thing I liked from Kaotic was how he painted a real vivid
picture of the everyday struggling kid going through hard times
with family. It wasnt overdone, and it kept your attention all
throughout. Only thing that didnt appeal to me was the predictable
ending.. they always seem to die, commit suicide, etc in some kinda
way.
Which brings me to Tic.. your closer was the thing that I liked the
most. It brought an unexpected twist to it.. and I really liked your
positive outlook on the topic. You had some simplicity in your verse,
thats prolly the thing to work on, but other than that you wrote a
nice piece.
Even though you both came pretty even thorughout, it was a great
battle, and it basically came down to who's approach on the story
I enjoyed more, and I'd have to say Tic, barely. As I've said twice
over, the positive ending appealed to me more than the usual death
one. Nice battle to both of you. It was a nice break from reading
all these FL battles. Stay up fellas.
v/ Tic
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Ayo,props 2 both
I can't vote on this shit tho cuz I wouldn't
No who 2 give It to,Tic gave me tha most entertainment
I'll get another cat who could drop more of a thought out vote aight,out
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PURE PERFORMANCE
^ Wack
Uppin
Up #3
uppin number 2
.........
AI
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uppin number 3....
AI
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