Wanda's Ballad

[spokenoh]

I am nothing. . .in my grandmother’s eyes
She hasn’t seen me in ages
Faceless in disguise of the truth
Amongst the demons I’m plagued with
I remember her ivory tone
Shone in the brilliance of a sky-lit embrace
Following the path raptured in a glass
Of a swine’s lustful taste
Her long meticulous fingers evoked magic
Twirling twines into elaborate blankets
That even the consummate;
Embellished in work
Unearthed a foreshadowing of the hapless
Sapless! My family tree runs dry
Equity in the life of drunk nigh,
Race horses berate courses
Tramplin’ over their ample worth
Just like my innocent birth
It’s like a moment of silence
Where I question the obligation
To lose all potential advantages in the pursuit
of the bottom of the glass I’m facing.

One swig

You’ve got to relish the artifacts
That are only now admissable
Only time’ll tell your story
In accordance to it’s ritual
‘Habitual’ is the single adjective proper
to summarize the tragedy.
Don’t remind me of fate.

Two swigs

Now I am a refined doctor
I can look at the patient in the mirror,
This time with clarity.
I can diagnose him even clearer
When he’s sober and anticipates the night-
This night of few hours and unknown glory,
where you don’t need medicine


Three swigs

The donation has set me gone and off!
Lost in Lady Misery’s arms
On the sea-coasts where the sulfur makes you cough
over gone onto rocks of plight height.
Compared to the love I will lose,
This isn’t a lost hope or done faith.
I’m just lodged in one place.

4 swig

Now, if I take another silent step to death
I might trip on my shadow’s ego
People are feeble, you’ve got the rest
of my message in a beer bottle (set to sea).
I was homegrown in a box, called Canada
‘Probably aye why ya can’t understand us. .
or maybe it’s because of Christianity.

5 swig

This is the rare occassion you’ll hear me speaking
from the heart, in an artful fashion.
Some are slurred words emerged with vomit
but this comet will land in tragic passion
Women are my 15 minutes of fame, every Friday
to Saturday. It isn’t a boast,
just the sustained way.


This is the ruptured vein of a sonnet
For every soul that broke my mother’s fertility,
Killing me before conceived or sighted.
Thanks, your intentions are still in me.
‘Cause, the night is young. . .
And I feel like wasting my life tonight.
For my grandmother.

[f-gee]

some heartfelt shit
prolly the best piece in terms of emotion i've seen from you
carried off some of the parts in this piece dopely..some really good writing

I am nothing. . .in my grandmother’s eyes
She hasn’t seen me in ages
Faceless in disguise of the truth
Amongst the demons I’m plagued with
I remember her ivory tone
Shone in the brilliance of a sky-lit embrace
Following the path raptured in a glass
Of a swine’s lustful taste
Her long meticulous fingers evoked magic
Twirling twines into elaborate blankets
That even the consummate;
Embellished in work

This is the ruptured vein of a sonnet
For every soul that broke my mother’s fertility,
Killing me before conceived or sighted.
Thanks, your intentions are still in me.
‘Cause, the night is young. . .
And I feel like wasting my life tonight.
For my grandmother.
^tight

had some nice flow on some parts as well
i'll be honest dont think the 'swig' sections really developed the verse or helped it

Women are my 15 minutes of fame, every Friday
to Saturday. It isn’t a boast,
just the sustained way.
^that was nice...only bit i was really feeling in the swig stuff

overall though dope shit..liked it and the way it was told..original view on it and it didnt seem to have a set plot to it if u know what i mean
props

fin

[Prince Escobar]

I agree that this is one of your most emotionally developed pieces SpOh. Your ability to paint vivid imagery with the perfection of your word choice mixed with the somber tone or poetic voice is striking here. I think that while viscerally the imagery/word choice/emotion trio evokes a great reader response that the underlying power in this piece is the poetic voice, rather blunt, but not too forthcoming rich in imagery and detail but only in those images and details that contribute to the overall cause. Lines like "Women are my 15 minutes of fame, every Friday
to Saturday. It isn’t a boast,
just the sustained way." really just make the reader swallow your themes and they go down smoothly. Your style is very "there it is" and it reads well it is almost a nonchalant way of writing, while still injecting a great dose of emotion, man i really enjoyed this piece, i felt that it was brilliant and though i know how humble you are and that you would prefer to forgoe the accolades im nominating this for the Hall of Fame, fine job Luke, 1luv.

[spokenoh]

Lol, not modest at all, just detested by rapbattles' standards. Thanks for the reply though, and for reading it.

[Chris Black]

This was pretty nice. My favorite parts were the part about your Grandmother making blackents and the lest few stanzas. This was pretty nice shit. I wich I could give better feedback, but I'm half sleep. I'll leave more feed later.

[shawty"B"]

wow. I love how you paint such a specified picture, each point placed so that its felt moreso than it was seen. The emotion in this had sucha specic sense to it. This is the best that I have seen from you in a while, even though it doesn't hold a thousand pictures, it holds whats near and dear to ones heart. This is one of those poems that I can read through and actually appreciate it. I think that the most powerful verse in this poem is the ending verse, its not so much that it completed a story, but put to action the overall emotion of it all, it seemed to me like severity of the emotion hit me right at that ending verse. The tone that his poem set actually caught me off guard, because i thought that it was going to turn to some rampaging voice that never stopped, but it never lost its tone that set down the emotion and attitude if you will of the poem. Great job!

..........fav part..........

This is the ruptured vein of a sonnet
For every soul that broke my mother’s fertility,
Killing me before conceived or sighted.
Thanks, your intentions are still in me.
‘Cause, the night is young. . .
And I feel like wasting my life tonight.
For my grandmother.


please reply to my poem "Loquacious"



....bless

~*UnO*~

[Neruda II]

Great work here man, great work.

Wow, your tone, amazing. I loved the ending, perfect climax, just incredible. It seemed very cleverly placed, if the last two lines were placed anywhere but the end, the emotion wouldn't have been as strong. Great structure, easy to follow and very strong break points. I liked how you seperated your stanzas. Your syntax was flawless. The words you used were beautiful and wisely weaved into the poem. Very elevated poem. Sometimes, your poetry bores me, I thought this would've been one of those poems. But to a nice surprise, the poem excelerated in emotion and tone as it went on. Like a walk to the end, and when the reader gets to the end, you get the whole picture. Beautiful, heartfelt, strong, and so very human.