To All The Girls.

[B.I.Detained.]

To All the Girls

To all the women who've been wrongly convicted, of killing their children
To all the women who use their cell walls as a canvas, and fill them
To all the women who still carry hope when its been torn apart
To all the girls who live on, in those tired women's hearts.
who. . who. . who. .
from the start, declared their innocence and bared people's ignorance.
Not even a landmark petition could make any difference
of one coroners influence, who gave 60% of child deaths a suspicious report.
More than stunning a repore, grieving mothers were met by police at the door
demanding more. . info, on the days leading upto the death of their child.
& after a while, interviews were scrapped 'n arrests were made. .
so cold 'n vile.
to a point of no denail, the system/accuser had become crown prosecutor,
pushing against the wind acting as the juries instigated tutor.
Nor a killer or looter, among 5 women falsely charged for a crime. .
at a time,
benine from proof, just x-rays of fractures trapped in a hairline.
"Shaken by the spine", was what the Devine cowerd stated on the hour!
A merciless show of power, Deminished Responsibility was devoured. .
& now murder was empowered. A maximum sentence could be assigned. .
To all the women. .
who had to let go and watch their children die
To all the women. .
who are still contemplating suicide
To all the women. .
who truely BELIEVED from the start
To all the girls. .
our voice WILL be seen brightly from the depths of the dark.

Don't let the girl inside you fade out.

-Dean.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...69#post3344369
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...67#post3344367

[warchild]

This was a good piece i liked it bevcause it was original and different i always look these type of concept pieces espically if there done the right way.
The story was told well but i think you could of made the verse a bit longer because the story was over just as it was getting interesting. Your vocab was nice matched well with your imagery which was very descriptive and vivid you didnt go over the top with it cause that would affect the emotion of the piece. The emotion of this piece was very well done it was from one perspective so it was a very focused piece which made the piece better because some story raps get inconsistant but you didnt so i enjoyed reading this piece. It flowed ok a couple of multies would of made it smoother but other than that it was a good piece. Keep Dropping Om's.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=243081

[E s c]

WOW,really nice piece your vocab was good your multies and rhyme scheme i loved*adopts it*the emotion and content in this piece was fan-daby-dosy seriously....REALLY well done very good piece.

[I_Me]

i have to agree with everyone else you had good vocab and your multies and rhyme scheme was very good, i could feel the emotion of this piece, i thought it was going to be something way different but it turned out great, keep up the good work

[Foreshadow]

This was a good drop. I really liked how everything went together. Its was real vivid which made the imagery that much better. I like the details that this piece had and it's tone was real nice and I think that made this piece.

[pyro2472]

wow amazin really feelin it and i aint a girl i expect to seee u comin up in the game real soon damn u really ill much love

[guiffre]

coo, i have to jet right now....so ill leave better feed when i get back

stay up

[Nique.]

Brix, Brix, Brix, is this the RSTL piece? Cuz I told you I'm going to leave you feedback..if this isn't the one...post it in here and link me to that one too since I promised you..anyway, this was a real cool piece...feeling the emotion and your flow and mechanics are always polished and smooth...very powerful moments thorughout each stanza also

I liked how you started off with the repitition of, "To All The Women"..and then a smooth transition to your piece..

from the start, declared their innocence and bared people's ignorance.
Not even a landmark petition could make any difference
of one coroners influence, who gave 60% of child deaths a suspicious report.
More than stunning a repore, grieving mothers were met by police at the door
demanding more. . info, on the days leading upto the death of their child.
& after a while, interviews were scrapped 'n arrests were made. .
so cold 'n vile.
to a point of no denail, the system/accuser had become crown prosecutor,
pushing against the wind acting as the juries instigated tutor.
Nor a killer or looter, among 5 women falsely charged for a crime. .
at a time,
benine from proof, just x-rays of fractures trapped in a hairline.
"Shaken by the spine", was what the Devine cowerd stated on the hour!
A merciless show of power, Deminished Responsibility was devoured. .
& now murder was empowered. A maximum sentence could be assigned

^Middle Passage you speak TRUTH..feeling this part the most...very vivid and imaginative..i like..

To all the women. .
who had to let go and watch their children die
To all the women. .
who are still contemplating suicide
To all the women. .
who truely BELIEVED from the start
To all the girls. .
our voice WILL be seen brightly from the depths of the dark.

^back to the repitition and then the ender to "To all the girls"...

Nice usage of words..this was short and sweet..so much emotion packed and condensed in like 20 lines..good shit brix

Keep writing bruh

[Joe Millionaire]

Piece was tight, I like the hook and the originality of the topic. Maybe throw in some some metas or something or some multis as long as it doesnt affect what you want to say. I didn't think Id like this piece but I just kept on reading I count stop. Keep droppin

stay ^

[Finale.]

good job Brix, mad props.

touch em.

[TheCrunkKing]

you got a good topic, good flow, struture was okay, maybe more muties,it was real deep, alot of emotion

[B.I.Detained.]

Thanks for the GOOD feedback guys.
Some of you were gay though.

[B.I.Detained.]

Kazoooooooom

[B.I.Detained.]

Back to the top.

[Zone]

good i was really feelin that, the topic was cool, you had good vocab, and mulites, but the story ended 2 quick you should really try to make your verses longer