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Thread: The Lion's Den.-Po'Ethics Collab.

  1. #1
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    The Lion's Den.-Po'Ethics Collab.

    Mindless.
    My soul is enclosed in skin and bones
    that will hopefully be ripped open
    by the lords that control this worlds jungle.
    Part of the golden cycle is to divide men
    who tend to end up in the lions den;
    showing them the privilege of spending
    energy fending off the so called enemy.
    Let them fall steady and separate each
    bend in-between heaven and the extreme,
    that keep sweeping our feet into dirt cheap
    beliefs that scream at the dreaming sheep.
    There's no need to be defending me
    while your asleep, leaping in deep deceit
    when every century God is sending peace.


    Atticus.

    A steel rumble, thunder clouds peel
    the sky's eyes as it waters down feel.
    Poors for sums, years, months more
    than normal under the Lion's gut roar.
    Our age old agony sores Muhabi pace,
    sand grain and shatter glass leash cages
    trace our path down the back allies of Main St.
    Ever cement born corner the mother land
    stands to repent the new world order.
    Lamp posts topple and fold, grip its handle
    and take position; Create gods great division.
    As that taxi cab's scowl begins to pronounce
    and its low pitch growl digs a hole, down
    in your soul you dance; Become a man, GO!
    Kill the beast, his heart will beat no more...
    For crossbreed streets have willed your sword.

    But in the plains great progression, is you,
    tangled in the old ways with dangling rules.
    Victim of circumstance is Sam the Libra.
    Wrapped down now in black and white slash,
    the hunt's contradict is new attack... The Zebra.

    Sharp.
    My life in poetic aesthetics was never regretted,
    I am a phonetic weapon neglected by my brethren.
    Genetics invented me through immaculate conception.
    Relentless strive for perfection, nothing less than impressive.
    Fifteen perfect syllables for every line created.
    Sedated optic nerves leave no persuasion for evasion.
    Meaning that physical structure doesn’t affect the ones hurt.
    Verbal ruptures spawn on your esophagus until blood squirts
    from every orifice. My words morph into spoken bliss.
    “Tears from opened wrists flood broken fists of the Eternalist.”
    An abstract dumbass, not intelligent enough to gun blast-
    Or make drug cash. Incompetent fool, you shoulda’ just slung crack.
    You’re dissecting your soul with a spoon and have built your own tomb!
    You hung onto your faith thinking you’d be resting at home soon.
    But Hip Hop betrayed you and now planet earth is too mainstream.
    You’ll completely transcend the chronic clouds and Hell’s flames blazing
    Instead, you’ll be captured by vinyl tombstones and plastic plaques.
    An originator marked as a enthusiastic hack-
    Trapped by your own talents and legendary tracks forever
    Because you’ve showed more stagnation than these kids show endeavor.


    Links-
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=267235
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=266857
    murder murder

  2. #2
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    I liked Sharp's first 4 lines, those were real good to me. Nice lyrically, all three were quality, nothing bad shown here. Overal great stuff man... 9/10
    *lyrical~boy*
    Living In Sin City From Sun Up To Sun Down





  3. #3
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    Thank you.

    It's appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it.
    murder murder

  4. #4
    i could definately feel the personality.. and i could feel it flowin except in a couple parts i got kinda tripped up, maybe its just the way i interpreted it, but i guess ill critique since telling you its good doesnt help you get better, right?

    i felt like it was kinda drawn out, maybe in some of the thoughts they could be more to the point, like i felt like you kind of said things just to be wordy.. also, the rhyming got kind of boring at parts and maybe the lions den could be made up like an actual place kinda you know, like make it visual... umm but i like the idea of it all.. i know inspiration is hard to come by.. pretty good shit

  5. #5
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    sharp was definitely my favorite and had a really nice, fairly complex rhyme scheme and a
    cool message, one thing i would change would be the purple font, ha, nah i liked it man, the other two were def good too, sharp just really came out at me

    keep it up
    the line between emcee and comedian gets a little thinner

  6. #6
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    Thanks to both of you.

    I'm very happy that you liked my piece of the puzzle. My part was a little more simple in rhyme scheme so I guess it was more understandable. Mindless and Atticus are both true poets at heart so they'll write whatever makes em' happy. I'm a bit more old fashioned.

    If there's any pieces that you guys need critique on, I'll be more than glad to give it tomorrow. Just leave links. I'ma hit the hay. Thanks again.
    murder murder

  7. #7
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    yea, anytime, actually i was wondering if you could check the battles in my sig, you dont have to vote or anything i just want some input cause thats pretty much the only stuff ive written, ive only recently started this shit
    thanks
    the line between emcee and comedian gets a little thinner

  8. #8
    lyrical messiah
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    this was a great piece. it had great vocab an flow. all you guys put your ass in this it seems like you all had great vocab an it painted a picture when i read it so just keep doing it yall an would please check my om its called hormones are blarrin thanx. big-j da fat boy

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    Dope Lethal Lyricists
    hip-hop's finest souljaz

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    this my boo.......guess who it is

  9. #9
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    uppers till we get down...
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  10. #10
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    Good piece, good topic, coulda used more vocabs but wasnt really that necessary, flow was there. Overall it was good keep it up.
    Assasinated

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    dd aka blaze

  11. #11
    Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Upping.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

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