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Thread: After One, Before Another.

  1. #1
     
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    32
    Posts
    4,172
    Battle Record
    1-0

    After One, Before Another.

    We wait for fate beneath .... Our sword of Damocles

    Coursing past the undertow
    of darkling places
    far within--
    I chanced upon a hovering face
    leering with a baleful cheer
    growing thin--

    This pale painted oracle,
    freshly fled some
    astral plane--
    offered only silent mirth
    drifting near for reasons
    unexplained--


    Free my mind of all this lust, sit and think of broken trust
    Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, his golden heart's began to rust
    Free my mind of all this pain, figure out my loss and gain
    This constant silence,so insane, Melancholy,severed vein
    Free my soul of loveless tears, broken hearts and drastic fears
    The love we thought would last for years, his constant lies and icy sneers
    Free from kissing plastic lips, meaningless touch upon my hips
    Pain sets in as my heart rips, lost inside your acid trips
    .
    .
    A sea of tears, springs from gentled wings
    Life is a hard journey, 'round every single curve
    Full of surprises, such bumpy, little road
    And houses smells of emptiness in each detour and swerve
    Footsteps in the silent of night, I hear
    Voices coming from nowhere, heart beating fast
    In the outing of night, wind beating all the leaves
    World is a dark place,eyes staring deep in your...eyes
    Garden full of sorrows, boxes full of empty dreams
    Broken skies in many shades of gray
    Shades of blue always painting my sky as well
    Love in many colors, painting my heart, sometimes as bright!
    Swiftly pass this shadowed place, where Vanity weeps
    in Alchemy's closing fist. the tears begin to streak
    Elemental as the earth, my flesh feeds the Green.
    I am knotted in the roots, of the grass upon the sea
    A shadow, hungry for life, a starving memory,
    as thin as the wind. sunlight is the heartless enemy
    Cold splinters of rain fall through a dark exhaustion,
    as I stir the matted leaves. I glare a shadow walking
    A faustian pact with the devil, becomes a wretched smile
    An eerie kind of creature full with hate and a hint of vile
    My eyes gather heaven's tears, their hollowness fixed,
    their vacancy eternal. while the wallowness sticks
    The wheel of night is grinding. Unseen stars are lost--
    Have they miss me. Or have they turned to the cross

    For eons, I was a victim of your whims of mint
    Beneath your feet, Glowing in the frost, each wild footprint
    Your scent, Circulating through my nostrils in divisions
    The gravity of your presence, Curves and blurs my vision
    Like a wild animal I was compelled to follow the pushes
    Yet in time, I became like a deer, Hiding in the bushes
    Attempting to camouflage, The pattern of my hide
    From the beast you often revealed that boiled inside
    From the fangs of your pathos, Demanding my assiduity
    When you became hungry, I never lashed out with cruelty
    Your heart thirsted, For the blood of my dreams reimburses
    I bless my tender soul, While we ward off the curses..

    The words of truth,
    Hard to read, yet it lead the world.

    I am my own testament,
    an epitath unread
    Last edited by EYE RONIC; May 29th, 2006 at 06:30 PM

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  2. #2
     
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    32
    Posts
    4,172
    Battle Record
    1-0

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  3. #3
    Contentually this piece was beautiful man, that little intro that you did up was very well done. When I got into the actual verses I wasn't as impressed though, not in terms of content, but in terms of wording and flow. Alot of times I found spots where a line's fluency just fell short at the last second and in result it really fucked up the rhyme scheme you were shooting for. That sucked because at its core the piece was amazing. The content was very deep and original, the heart/rust line I loved, such a strong image... But I just dont feel the machanics of the Om matched up to the superiority of the content. Nice job either way, I'm just being judgemental because I hold you to a higher standard now.

    It'd be dope if you could return the favor on my new Om,
    In the Shadows of the Livingroom
    Thanks alot, I really apreciate it.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

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