"As Seen on TV!"

[Atti]

Come on! Lets go!

Tiptoe the scars of broken men
and women, roll the stones real hard;
Hold your breath when your leg
Is kissed by giggling claymores before
you even settle in to take your mark.

Yes, I got a 10!

After they amputate your decaying
limb it's time to skip into place.
Puddle jumping in blood until
medics intervene with morphine
quills to fill her up with samba's
while Hobbs Scotch kills her brain.

The racing of one's desire overtakes
a game of double dutch conspired
in shaky grips of swinging razorwire.
Cops and robbers is not the same:
I'll be Rodney King under the swings
resisting arrest; when you contest
Que applaus
.... and we'll all sing in sweet regret.

King of the hill, last to the head
of the ash pile is a rotten egg!
As each step leaves black
lungs while the fires rise higher
amongst the bodies black stack;
Listen to them hack the whole
way to the maypole's crimson
back, still glistening in the flames
............. cackling glycerol laugh.

The playground isn't safety proofed;
Razorblades replacing plastic hoops.
We are as seen on Tv screens
with green fatigues and battered
beliefs patterning preteen routines.
There are no monkeys, our arms
bleed from being strung on guerilla bars
and bloody scenes hung from media stars.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294510
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293708

[D. Josey]

This was a weird piece. I felt the emotion, and the cleverness in it, but I quite didn't grasp the concept. I read it again, and I felt what you were trying to get it. I liked your metaphors, and your visualization throughout the whole piece, and it was nice and sophisticated. Your rhyme scheme was nice, and it played out through the piece.

I liked this one.

Nice job.

[Atti]

It was just kind of expressing the effects Tv has on youth in terms of showing coverage of wars and travesties. Thanks for the feedback man.

[James,]

A very interesting piece, on a rare subject, your piece really explained how TV basically rots your mind...I felt this was a deep piece in a way...Your rhymes were very nice, and you had good vocab, it all flowed very well...


The racing of one's desire overtakes
a game of double dutch conspired
in shaky grips of swinging razorwire.
Cops and robbers is not the same:
I'll be Rodney King under the swings
resisting arrest; when you contest
Que applaus
.... and we'll all sing in sweet regret.

^my favorite part...

you were really creative and you kept my attention...this was a great piece...good drop man...


If you could return the favor...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295280
thanks

[I Am Unreal.]

This is the best piece ive seen from you, atticus. Metaphores were great, it had emotion and was fun to read. keep it up man

[Young~Disciple]

Yea, a little weird, but atleast its not played, liked the flow, but wasent fellin the set up, liked the concept, had good lines and rymes, A good read

[Atti]

Not sure what you mean when you say 'set up,' Structure, maybe? Thanks for the feedback though.

[-IsIs-]

This was a weird piece.

I agree with that for real. i liked it though. it seemed really emotional and heavenly. if you can understand what i mean with that. but this piece seemed really poetic and thats real original in OM. it takes a real masterpiece to open everyones eyes and I think that was met with this piece. keep droppin son. got my eye on you. for real.

-Peace.

peep my collab wit cassidy.

[D. Josey]

Atticus, leave feed on "Silence in the Grove"

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295532

[This Aint Beef]

Atticus, correct?

I didn't understand the concept on first read. When I read your explanation it did become more obvious. The imagery you used was very clever... very poetic. Your poems are never boring, always presented in a unique way with original content. This was no exception.

There are no monkeys, our arms
bleed from being strung on guerilla bars
and bloody scenes hung from media stars.

I quite liked how you chose to end this piece. The wordplay of sorts with the monkey bars becoming instead 'guerilla' bars was very representative of your theme, and obviously creative.

Thnx for the read, I thoroughly enjoyed this. You need to stop changing names though... I can barely keep up!

Thought I'd be cool & edit in a link... Water Under the Bridge

[Atti]

Lmao, I changed it twice, but I'll be sticking with this one. I just hit all the links, thanks for the feedback everyone.

[Braille]

upppin and so forht and everything and all the way and yeah

[Jawn Raw]

Not bad, some pretty serious moments in there. You made it seem like one part was layed back then the next paragraph you got serious and went more realistic with the words. Way more emotional on this Poem in my opinion. That's a good thing, you had a short piece and kept me into the topic. Nice job with the storyline as well, well actually you always have a good storyline. overall nice job and keep writtin.
-paranoid

[Atti]

*sigh*

... Upping

[Nique.]

This was very...abstract. I found your flow to be very awkward throughout, but I managed to get through it. Your shining points were really your usage of figurative language with your metaphors and vivid descriptions as seen on television. Some of the stanzas were mad awkward, like I didn't know where you were going at all, but this was alright.