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Thread: River Deep, Mountain High (SS Champ. Verse)

  1. #1
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Save The Animals.

    "River Deep, Mountain High"


    At first life bursts in a vegetative forest,
    Cycles rehearsing as the birds sing their agitated chorus.
    Snow leopards supposed to go to the peaks,
    ...Fish float better...
    A toads throat led her to tributaries and creeks---
    It's barely been weeks, but time is measured in meals...
    The weary antelope seeks for what he hopes and he feels---
    So many teals, shades of green and blue over ground,
    Camouflaged snakes that aren't seen until a shrew has been found---
    They move without sound, the prey won't even know...
    ...They've been poisoned...
    No choice when nature's circle must flow.

    The Great White hunts for small sharks and seals,
    It sees light-skinned things which call barks and squeals...
    Mistaken he bites, his teeth are like his hands,
    Now he knows by taste this flesh is a messy waste of glands...
    Too much bone, he pursues more to chew for meat,
    It's now known that human beings aren't food to eat---
    We choose deceit, and label an innocent act murder,
    Leaving people's pride in tact with revenge that impacts further...
    Another species endangered, we make hunting laws strict,
    At least the animal's behavior can be explained by logic...

    The cheetah awakens and begins the search for fuel,
    For the feeblest rations, although the killing seems cruel.
    But her belly is full, so she can lie down...
    Takes what she needs and recedes to hide now---

    ...Why prowl all day?...

    People do it since we're too stupid to allow our clay...
    ...Flesh... the fowl get paid less, so keep on takin',
    The human race must be erased because we're all forsaken...
    Original Sin, we're born to menace the Earth,
    Judgin' our personal worth by if we overcome poverty's curse---
    But the body is worse, it's the temple of death,
    We deal so much out before we allow ourselves the rest...

    The salmon are breeding and the dolphins are schooling,
    The same men are bleeding to fund our constant retooling---
    Responsible fueling is just a dream we believe,
    Christmas is the only day we'd rather give than receive---
    We live and we breathe, just like everything else,
    Yet we insist it's these traits that take us into God's house...
    We overfish and take from Earth her resources,
    She's about to burst, at the worst, over time recourses---
    Climates support us, but will they forever?
    Not if Mother Nature's allowed to comtemplate her endeavour...

    No mountain too high, river or ocean schism too deep,
    For the fountain of life to create organisms that creep---
    In our prisons we keep so many singing birds caged...
    Maya Angelou weeps for us at the end of our days...


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=314975
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315375
    Last edited by Engivale; November 6th, 2006 at 04:33 PM

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  2. #2
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
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    This i was feelin...The emotion was deep and that stood out more than anything ...you're strutre was a turn off it was far to plain and basic that was the only thing i can say i didnt like... i dont feel that -- at the end of lines but i guess that is your style...the flow was good and didnt fall off on many lines and you had a great sense of vocab...this was a good drop...possibly hof i dont know...keep up hit the siggy.
    Empire

  3. #3
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Thanks. The "---" is to indicate that you should keep going without pause to the next line to continue the intended rhyme scheme.. I also use "..." to indicate that you should stop and pause for an extended time, longer than a simple period (.) or comma (,) A comma (,) is the shortest pause, almost a continuation but not quite so much as a (---), and a period (.) is a short pause, longer than comma but shorter than a (...)

    I try to give my reader training wheels on their bike ride through my verse. That way they don't trip and fall down, and say, "I didn't get the rhyme scheme, it was too simple/basic."

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  4. #4
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
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    oh ok thanks..this will help me get into more of your drops sorry for that..
    Empire

  5. #5
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    I should just post that little explanation at the top of everything I write, huh? LoL, with all the ppl that hate my so-called structure...

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  6. #6
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    ^uppin

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    this was a nice read man nice to see you back man.....rockin it and shit son...lol...well nice drop man i liked the vocab use in this not too much and not too little ya know....it was sublte messaged man...and also your words/vocab was nicelt assorted and grammared man!...your content of flow adn structure showed your creativity!.. your verse was nicely filled with great assets...like youremotion was a nice growth man...you worked to elevate it in metaphorical wordings man nicely putted man...no trouble of flow man!... i liked how the story went man and how you approached it witha unique mist man...nice drop i mean sometimes it was iffy and a bit hard to rea dand understand til i read it the second time and read it slowly to understand it man!...nice drop homie nice to see you back!.

    RTF on the link in my sig!
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
    Energy in > Ego out
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    This was a great piece, this could please almost anyones taste for rap/hip-hop.

    Your flow was steady, your message was on point, the emotion was there, you had nice imagery, and your vocab was good also.

    Keep up the awesome work Peace.

    PS: RTF on "The Blind Perspective"

  9. #9
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    ^uppin

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  10. #10
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    ^uppin

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  11. #11
    Newbie DaKiNgBaK's Avatar
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    at first you had me thrown off until i actually sat down and started paying attention to what i was reading. I mean that was some deep thought brought to life by the words you chose. I appreciate the chance to read that now because i feel like i can push myself even more with this gift. I will definitely be looking out for you in the future

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    This piece was very well written... The flow of it was amazing.. I could almost go non stop as i read stragiht through it...your vacab and grammer usage was tight as fuck...I like the structure of the piece and the topic and take on it was good.. This piece displayed your creativity and good wordage...Overall this was a very good read and I'll be looking for more pieces from you...Keep it ^


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    L.S.
    N.A.
    M.C.

  13. #13
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    I've said what I need to about this in SS

    I'll be nominating this now....props dude, nice shit

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    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  14. #14
    great piece man, i actually read this already in SS but never got around to voting on it. again, you remind me so much of Camarac (if you're his alias i feel like a jackass). but ya, the flow was just so intricate and complex that it was at the point where it often felt like it was going to fall apart... but just as it was about so, everything came together and the piece resumed itself flawlessly. the meter is just so reminisent of Cam or Bounce, it's crazy. the content was very strong. you had these beautiful description that came off very blunt and vivid. the entire piece just had this vibe that there was nothing extrenuous... just the essential languange. the only hang ups i had were a few issues with awkward wording on some of your final multies that slowed the pace up on the read a bit- but on an overall i really enjoyed this.

    if you could,
    "Vietnano-Tech."
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  15. #15
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    I'm always flattered by the constant accusations of me being someone who everyone thinks was a great lyricist using this name as an alias... Suffice to say I am not them... I suppose if they were incredibly dedicated to their alias and wanted to write more than 30 OM's on their alias as well as an entire SS season... I could be an alias. But I assure you I am not, I am simply here to gain more confidence in my writing ability by seeing how others that are into rap/lyric writing respond to my work.

    Thanks for comments, I'll go look at ur piece now I've got a couple hours to burn.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


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