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Thread: Autumnony.

  1. #1
    Hence Forth, Move Forward
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    Autumnony.

    I edited in the ending to this piece... I would like to say something about it.

    You may notice that the flow get's extended after the:

    "freezing my face with tears,
    bringing it's strange signs"

    I used the extension as a catalyst to employ the surge of emotion you feel towards the conclusion of just about anything. It was purposeful, I do realize that some of you will be annoyed by it. Get over it. Oh, and a feather in native american mythology is symbolic for a message. A metaphore I've held close to me for a long time.

    eye's open to the world I wake
    gotta stake some plots
    destiny's are made
    fuck waitin on fate
    I break my bread with brethren
    smoke my first 27
    and admire this slice of cursed heaven
    it's gettin gray out there
    I swear them leaves dance with the wind
    a dance never to be seen again
    this breeze has been
    everywhere I wanna go
    around the globe and back
    to the front porch of my home
    my soul roams towards the blue
    in them hills
    those rocks stand testament
    to the resolution I feel
    my revolution is real
    see me change with the seasons
    one moment I'm here
    the very next I'm leavin'
    I'm off to fresh starts
    once this evening departs
    sleepless with anxiety
    but dreaming of the embark
    the clouds are not silent
    they trumpet their triumph
    their as unbreakable
    as the mountains behind 'em
    I've resigned them times of sun
    them times are done
    gods paints spilt at daybreak
    I saw them run
    thunderous chords strum
    to the tune of change
    the sounds resound
    throughout the gray of his paint
    there's a restraint in the air
    that keeps me too close to here
    the streets wet with angels tears
    let the sky never clear
    Let them taste the hopelessness
    let them die inside as winter approaches us
    maybe then they will notice us
    I hold, NO I CLUTCH
    this blanket of memory
    she may not,
    but at least the cold remembers me
    its come back every year,
    just about the same time
    freezing my face with tears,
    bringing it's strange signs
    they claim I'm losing direction
    headed west against the winds discretion
    chasing windswept feathers
    forever needing the message
    should've headed east
    as the weather suggested
    but you know me, always testin'
    the mists confession shows what's been hidden
    tomorrows snow is forgiven
    for covering the hope that summer has given





    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...51#post5317251
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317670
    Last edited by Split.; November 30th, 2006 at 07:33 PM

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  2. #2
    Soule
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    Re: Autumnony.

    Nice, I loved the constint flow. The wordibng was good and Structre was nice and basic. The Creativty was alright and Imagenation was well described. Keep writing Split.

    ~Bell

    PS: In the Poetic Scriptures area hit up my Eye C U peice.

  3. #3

    Re: Autumnony.

    I think you and Nahlidge are the only writers who can successfully use slang and common language without sounding ignorant. At the start of the piece, I was unsure as to what I would think of this, but as it went on I quickly found myself fully submerged in the lines. Contectually this had such beautifully written metaphors and poetics subtleties. The rhyme scheme was cool in the sense that, although it wasn't overly complex, the shortened lines riddled with assonance and alitteration aswell as a basic syllable based end rhyme left everything so fluent and moving. Not just as flow, but also contectually the piece became more fluent. The only think I wasn't 100% about was the way the piece concluded- felt like those last 2 or 3 lines were alittle more lax on diction/word placement and they didn't feel quite as smooth as the rest of the piece. Overall though, I really liked this a lot man.

    If you could,
    Hollywood ft. Darfur
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  4. #4
    Hence Forth, Move Forward
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    Re: Autumnony.

    ^word, thanks bro... yeah, that's actually not the entire piece.. I'm on vacation though and didn't have the finished version, but felt that it would do for the time being.

    I'll get at that right now.

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  5. #5

    Re: Autumnony.

    Oh nice, I'll definately watch for that second half; I may be putting this one into my HOF bin.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  6. #6
    Hence Forth, Move Forward
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    Re: Autumnony.

    ^word, sometime around wednesday. If you nominated this I'd think you were the coolest person in OM, for seriousness, haha.

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  7. #7
    Hence Forth, Move Forward
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    Re: Autumnony.

    yup yup.

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  8. #8
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Re: Autumnony.

    This was tight man. I agree with At... you and Nah got a nice simplistic style, yet its used to portray a complex meaning.. and in writing that is a wonderful talent to have. It leads people down the road you've paved with no bumbs or confusion and allows them to fully understand and enjoy ur pieces (at least thats what it does for me). And unlike At.. i was feeling the way you ended it. It hit home for me. Anyway, nice drop my man and i appreciate the feedback you left me as well. Respect.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

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  9. #9
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    Re: Autumnony.

    Oh fa`sho, homie.

    Up.

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  10. #10
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    Re: Autumnony.

    uppp

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  11. #11
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    Re: Autumnony.

    yeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaw!

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  12. #12
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    Re: Autumnony.

    This was nice piece here split. Never knew what you were capable of topically. Very intriguing piece's which were emotionaly felt. Metaphor's were also on task but could have been better. You had a very original piece here but had some misleading line's, but often got on track which made the piece overall worth reading. Looking forward to seeing me from you.

    See'Ya.

  13. #13
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    Re: Autumnony.

    word bro... my whiteness can be decieving.

    up. Leave links.

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  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Autumnony.

    really interesting style you got here, the short line thing
    worked well, and seemed to cause me to anticipate the
    next line, which was cool, and the breaks in your lines
    didnt affect the flow at all, actually helped as it left
    time to comprehend, while still maintaining a fluent read
    your word play was straight with a mixture of metas,
    that werent forced though i cant help wondering if
    some of them were really needed, as they seemed
    to be a lil of topic , i mean they added to the flo
    though idk if they added to the concept of the piece,
    which im thinking is sumthing to do with the wordplay
    you used as your title, though correct me if im wrong
    is a play on Autonomy and Autumm, as the end of the
    piece suggested this was a piece about a lost lover
    and you reminissing and dealing with th breakup,
    well that was my take on this piece, feel free to set
    me strait, though please dont take it as a diss if
    im wrong as the piece hads me engaged and wanting
    to understand it,though maybe some vocab could of
    added that lil extra,nice read though,and fresh
    keep rippin those scriptz....RTF hit the link...peace

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

  15. #15
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Autumnony.

    this was a dope topic and a nice put together the multies and the metaphors were nicely put and ye athe slang was kinda creative and nice to see ya heard it wasa a nice addition and asset to your writing man i liked htis for what it turned out to be and the way you worded it and the structure was your style and no one elses yea know nice drop here split.

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