pain (1ts time..dont sleep on it)

[Sick*Wit*It]

dayz got cold and dark but i alwayz found away 2 make it throo the bad parts~
only child hood memorys were in and out of foster home all the way up 2 my l8te teens ~
dad u clame u love me but the only thing u love is puttin needles in and out ya body~
you was never there from when i started 2 speak and crawl~
now u in jail (wut?) rite now its not ur fault ur fagget ass is away from us all~
grown scarred like a mark when u get burned~
from these fuck up situtions and incidences that alwayz pop up & accurr~
all that shit makes me think at birth i came out wit a curse~
every choice i make leads me down another path~
i can do they equations but can never figure out the math~
40's and tree holdin me 2gether like imma jigsaw peice~
these federal cases and all this hatin got me thinken on more than 1 accasion~
2 taken my own life becuz of all the weakness~
bad intentions some nites restless alwayz regretin shit~
somthin gotta change so fed up wit dis shit~
some1 gettin shot every couple min (damn) why cant i be hit


Uppin^^

Responds:
Open Mic.
HoTBoI-PlEaSe ReAd!
Valet Parking [Keystyle]
Silk Shadow-Religious Sentiment (Deep)

that good^^?

[Mistral]

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed...

But this was ok...your structure could use some work though i think, your lines were kinda stretched out a bit, try to shorten them down and make all your lines around the same length to help the flow out...try to add some multies to help it out...but overall this was alright..keep at it.

[Endeva.]

i agree that some of ya lines are stretches,,,which fucks the flow....but the second half seemed to go better.....structrure should be ya main proirity at the minute.....then add some complexity.....but for ya first..not too bad...i seen worse...pZ