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Thread: Corrupted Visions: Break Up

  1. December 15th, 2003, 07:12 PM #1
    Mistral
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    Corrupted Visions: Break Up

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=98950
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=98951
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=98960



    Theres just so many words to describe a broken heart…
    You want me to tell you the things that hurt but I open hard..
    Spoken smart, I never did…cause being stupid got me…
    You hurt me when you said things that you did not mean…
    When you said that you loved me and I trusted those lips…
    One wrong thing and its over…that’s not justice though bitch..
    And I thrusted those hips…for what?….to lose it all…
    I thought we had something but I was just a fool that falls..
    Cause you were my life but you left me lying here in sorrow..
    And if yesterday was today Id be…dying here tomorrow…

    We Break up but all I want is to make up..
    And Take us to bed and never wake up..
    I’ll shape up…..so I’ll never ache us…
    We break up but all I want is to make up..

    Sometimes all it takes is a few words to mend wounds..
    But you sent doom, having no idea what I went through..
    And one kiss makes just one mistake that I just regret…
    I miss being your pet never gonna forget when we met..
    You standing there alone as the wind blows your hair…
    Back then you were sweet but now you show no care…
    Cause from the moment you left and slammed the door…
    All my pride left me and I didn’t feel like a man no more..
    Cause I know I went wrong cause you’re the Person I needed
    No matter what I did you wouldn’t stay cause I burst n I pleaded..

    We Break up but all I want is to make up..
    And Take us to bed and never wake up..
    I’ll shape up…..so I’ll never ache us…
    We break up but all I want is to make up..

    Not a day goes by when you don’t grace my thoughts…
    Now that your gone for good I just face distraught…
    Im falling apart inside….Im just crumbling down…
    As Im stumbling out and fall cause im tumbling now..
    Mumbling vows we took to be together, however..
    Since your not here im on this endeavor forever…
    Im here without you….and probably always be…
    These hallways seem empty but I can always dream..
    To see your face….and to feel your soft touch…
    What im trying to say is..I miss you sooo much…

    We Break up but all I want is to make up..
    And Take us to bed and never wake up..
    I’ll shape up…..so I’ll never ache us…
    We break up but all I want is to make up..
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  2. December 15th, 2003, 09:39 PM #2
    -uski-
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    yo Nice work man I enjoyed this one....ya strucure is always Different On Deep Pieces But it still worked Nicely....ya Flow waz Nice In this Like it alwayz Is............ya always Have Nice Multis in ya Pieces That I read......Ya Vocab Could Of Been a little betta in some Places But other From that it was Nice stuff....i think ya could do Something other than A gurl next time ya Drop Man.......so I Liked the Reed And It was Worth Droping it i can't believe no one has Left feedback yet But It was Nice........Peace...
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  3. December 16th, 2003, 12:41 AM #3
    Rap Chick Spitta
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    Real nice work here masta, i enjoyed reading yet another one of your pieces, i liked reading your work, its always good, i like how you come with deep emotions in your work, I also like how you use a lot of multies, i like that....your flow in this piece was real nice it stayed on i thought in it, your vocab was ok could be better but i understand it was a emotional piece and all that matters in pieces is that you get your message across and you did in this, i liked that read, and Hey Uski sexy thing you. hehe...but good piece keep it up
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  4. December 16th, 2003, 12:44 AM #4
    SmokaJoka
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    nice piece i gotta say.....u had a decent vocabulary all throughout....very good structure....this looks like it should be placed into an audio....but u showed alot of emotion and originality...nice piece...here's my favorite line...

    Best Line From Masta C:
    When you said that you loved me and I trusted those lips…
    One wrong thing and its over…that’s not justice though bitch..
    And I thrusted those hips…for what?….to lose it all…
    I thought we had something but I was just a fool that falls..
    ^^this was tight..u showed alot of emotion most specifically in this part...tight work

    BREAKDOWN
    Multis - Very Good
    Hook - Very Good
    Metas - Very Good
    RhymeScheme - Excellent
    Flow - Excellent
    Structure - Excellent
    Vocab - Very Good
    Originality - Excellent
    Emotion - Very Good
    Overall - very nice piece....u showed alot of everything...and if people actually read this and catch the feel like i did...then u will get mad props for this work....

    RATING
    9/10

    peace
    4:20

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  5. December 16th, 2003, 10:22 AM #5
    snakeyes
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    dope, i like the way you put words together. Tell me, did practice make your flows perfect?
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  6. December 16th, 2003, 11:32 AM #6
    Endeva.
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    id probably say this was ya best ive read, on you doing this/similar topics....seemed to get the emotion in it nicely.....good structure complimented by the multis.....but if im honest..i didnt really like the hook much...other than that nothing i can really bitch about...so nice work....seems like ya getting better at the love stuff..but id stop doing them for a bit, while ya at the top cos you seem to be doing alot of em at the minute....pZ.....
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
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  7. December 16th, 2003, 04:23 PM #7
    Gene Pool
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    yo man dope piece. proply one fo the best I've read by u. lotsa emotion in it bro I was feelin it and especially the flow that shit was tight, rhyme scheme was down unique style of use here and your wordplay was great. multi's were good alos and your vocab was tight bro. your hook was really good to felt it. keep up bro. peace.
    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

    <center>Corrupted Visions</center>

    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

    Act One:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>
    Polished and refined to bring a new groove to crews/
    gestures meaning lesser to negotiations between me and you/
    so what’s this heartache all of a sudden edge’in to your seat/
    fuck it, cement shoes and 200 feet oughta be pretty sweet/</table>

    Words of Wisdom:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>it's perplexity set in a realism of our world/
    it's textual content, stepping stones on broken pearls/
    if wisdom is a need be vent for visualizing truth/
    then let be proof, demise the break between adults and youth/</table>
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  8. December 16th, 2003, 04:48 PM #8
    Mr.W.Rong
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    good piece sonny Jim...Enjoyed this
    Felt tha pain of the break up...lol...
    Liked the wordplay in this piece n
    the flow was strong............
    Overall Ill piece....Gud shit......
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  9. December 17th, 2003, 03:42 PM #9
    Mistral
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    Hey Thanks For The Feedback So Far, Keep The Feedback Coming In, Its Much Appreciated, Thanks.
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  10. December 17th, 2003, 07:41 PM #10
    Ken Dawg
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    Even though I don't appreciate you using your mod powers...this piece was great. Excellent structure and hit hard. Keep up the good work!
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  11. December 18th, 2003, 03:58 PM #11
    Mistral
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    lol...Hey Thanks For The Feedback So Far, Keep The Feedback Coming In, Its Much Appreciated, Thanks.
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  12. December 19th, 2003, 05:41 PM #12
    Mistral
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    Upping this for some more feedback, if you check this out leave me some feedback on this, its much appreciated, thanks.
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  13. December 19th, 2003, 08:32 PM #13
    CrackaBox187
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    i really liked this piece, it's deep,
    away from the streets, it creeps in a heart,
    your mental visions were sweet,
    from the start, till the end,
    definatly feelin this man

    Hold em down
    [FONT=Century Gothic]DTA Records. DON'T TRUST ANYBODY[/FONT]
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  14. December 19th, 2003, 09:01 PM #14
    it's GQ
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    Nice, I like the differnt verses, and differnt types of styles here. You had a great way of expressing your feelings here and had alot of power to it. Nice job with hook. Every part of your verse was unique, and was differnt in some way, a good kind of differnt. Ahha, but overall, this was a good piece.

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  15. December 21st, 2003, 02:19 AM #15
    Mistral
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    Hey Thanks For The Feedback So Far, Keep The Feedback Coming In, Its Much Appreciated, Thanks.
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