In God We Trust ( Read This )

http://www.iranchamber.com/history/i...an_troops1.jpg



Men of are nation putting there lives on the line for use
They do this when even the President dont live by In God We Trust
Look at the picture it shows there hurt in Pain
Many body's hittin the ground in the fire is not to Blame
If you wanna point a finger do it at Bush he a Shame
Ever since he came into office things aint been the same
Gas prices went up even the price of food
What man would wanna take a man from his family for no Reason
More then a thousand dead in this is just in a few Season's
I bet people who voted bush know have some to believe in
Cause they should feel the Hurt to
Moms getting letters of the Army's saying there Son's dead
Thats gotta hurt many people thats goin though this feeling
loseing a daughter or son there not a medicine to help them to start healing
So please keep the's solider in your prayer
Cause i know one man who doesn't even care



George W. Bush



Links

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=4786057

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303880

This piece was ok at best. Some lines didn't rhyme, and others were far too stretched. I didn't really feel any emotion out of this piece either. The concept is also played, and this was a fairly used perspective, targeting bush. this piece could use a lot of work, more descriptive words, more complex vocabulary, more multis and a couple of metas. This wasn't such a wonderful attempt and I'm pretty sure you can do better than this. Delve deeper into the topic and pull out something a lot better with your next drop.

P.S. the pic doesn't Work. :(

Good Luck and continue to drop. Elevation is the Key to Dopeness.

Pretty simple...However it was on some real talk...politics can be a mutha...trust TS...he knows all too well...Overall this was ehhhh...O.k. at best...elevate ya rhymes a lil more but keep comin with that realness...

I Have Spoken...

uppinthanks for the feed

an ok drop kinda simple for most
kinda simple vocab....u couldve made it more complex..
flow was kinda meh...it was alright u couldve made that better as well...
u lacked multies by alot...i seen lots of lines to add them in...
strutre was pretty nice u shouldve added a good font that wouldve helped..alot..
the topic was ok...this kinda topic is used alot try to avoid that...
but im not much better and i think maybe some time we should collab..
it would help us both out...well look out for my new drop and leave feed please...

this piece was ok
th rhymin was simple, and not everythin did rhyme
th flow was alrite, but a bit stretched in places
th structure was alrite aswell
th concept was gd, but th piece was a bit weak
elevate ur vocab...keep tryin tho

uppin this tryna see what i could of did betta to help me get back into open mic's

ok first off, i can tell you have a accent cause use and trust dont rhyme to me. this was simple all the way through and you didnt really bring anything new to the table, all you did was say pretty much alot of the things people been saying about bush and war, it was kinda boring and shit, something like this.. thats talked about alot and has been for some years should be creative as hell.. or you just shouldnt write about it.. just my 2 cents, you got potential though, i can tell you know how to write, you just need to be more creative.